Tuesday, January 18, 2011

the power of the pregnancy announcement

Is anyone working on harnessing this yet? Because seriously, we could power small cities on it. I've had two (outside the computer) in the last week and I'm consistently awed (in a bad way) by how much they impact me. Still. I'm surprised and, frankly, annoyed that spending two and a half years on this side of my own BFP doesn't provide me with more insulation.

One is due in late August - three days before my potential EDD for the FET that wasn't. We work together so I will have a front row seat to her pregnancy for the next 8 months. I have blogged about her before (during her first pregnancy, which ended just over a year ago) and how hurt I have been by her insensitivity over and over and over again. She's not mean-spirited at all, but she (1) likes to talk and (2) has NO awareness or consideration for what other people might be going through around her, and this turns her into a wrecking ball. She knows everything about our struggles to build our family. I have told her more than most people in a (losing) battle to open her eyes a bit, but that doesn't stop her from bemoaning the hassle of switching to her new last name (granted routinely by virtue of her heterosexual marriage) or telling a fellow co-worker to stop drinking the office water unless she wants to get pregnant because "everyone gets pregnant SOOO easily around here!"

The other is M's co-worker. We went to her wedding 3 months ago. She and her husband planned to "start trying" this year. It would appear they didn't even make it to the starting line. It's not like I see her often or will even get regular pregnancy updates, but it was a punch to the gut to have one more person we know get pregnant so easily. One more person that could have been me but wasn't. One more person to edge us further out on the bell curve and make all we went through seem even less reasonable.

I'm hyper-sensitive right now. I know this. I wish simply acknowledging that would be enough to take some of the weight away. It seems that is not the case.


Strawberry said...

Ew, that co-worker is a real piece of...work. My best friend got pregnant the minute she stopped taking her BCP and even though it didn't take us long to get pregnant, I couldn't help but to feel smacked by how absurdly easy it was for them. I'm sorry you have to deal with those feelings on a seemingly regular basis :(

Anonymous said...

Yeah, your coworker is a piece of work. I'm really sorry that she doesn't get it.

And the BFP announcement power, sigh. I'm waiting for my uberfertile SIL to announce hers, since they started trying this month. My nephew was concieved after 2 months off BCPs. I'm glad they told me they're trying so I can be prepared, but it won't make it any easier.

Hugs to you. Many many of them.

Anonymous said...

I had two cousins announce over Christmas. Since we cannot have another baby due to my health issues it was like physical blow. I don't think it is a feeling that ever goes away. And your coworker is a moron who needs a good hit with the clue stick.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry you're hurting about this right now. I'm not sure the sting ever really goes - every new announcement causes a wince still; even those that bring a smile too.

J and DZ said...

IRL, I doubt I'll ever have a normal reaction again. I found out today that a co-worker who had a "scare" and a fit over it last year is now pregnant on purpose. Must be nice!

Your co-worker sounds like a real ass. So insensitive.

Pomegranate said...

It's a double-edged sort. We rushed through the stages of TTC, so we went through each stage of grief for a shorter period of time, but I still feel the bitterness, especially with the "accidental" pregnancies of several of my coworkers.

Every time I learn someone I know struggled, I instantly feel bonded to them.

On the other hand, I also feel sad when I see someone I care about struggling with infertility. My brother and his wife have been trying for a year now and are now working with an RE. I really want to wish them pregnant, but I know they have to go through this hell, as well. And I know it must be really hard for my SIL since by brother has a pre-teen son from his ill-fated first marriage.

jessie said...

My coworker is pregnant and spent so much time telling everyone that it was an accident and blah blah. Shove it.