Friday, May 18, 2007

IUI... check!

Well, we had a misunderstanding and training M to do an IUI at home was not an option, so we had to decide between me going back to the NP for a second IUI today, or sticking with 1 IUI this time and storing the second vial. At first, we thought we would go ahead with 2 since the price difference between storing and using the second vial that we already have was $50. However, once we got home we did a more detailed accounting of what the next 5 months of TTC will cost if we use the second vial this time v. if we don't (not that we'll get to that point, of course... LOL!), and it became clear that it would be better to save the second vial for now. Also, I started having pretty significant ovulation pains about 4 hours after the IUI, so I think it was timed well.

EDIT: Paragraph o'whining deleted. This shit is really expensive. 'Nuff said.

So, now we wait. I feel like our timing was good, but it's been good before and nothing came of it. Maybe this time will be different. It could happen. :-)

Thursday, May 17, 2007

quickie update

My efforts to ignore my reproductive cycle this month have been largely successful. Yay! The down side of this is that fewer updates make it to the blog, but I'm sure none of you are too heartbroken. :-)

I had an ultrasound yesterday. I watched her measure my uterus and both ovaries so I know that I have them and they are roughly in the right places. The sonographer isn't allowed to say anything during the ultrasound but she didn't gasp or anything, so hopefully that's a good sign. KD's solo business meeting of late last week produced two IUI-worthy samples, both of which arrived at the NP's office this morning (I hope). I go in at 4:45pm today for IUI #1. M will be able to come along, so I'm really looking forward to that. It's the first time she's been able to be there. The NP said she could teach M how to do IUIs at home, so the plan is to do that with the second sample either tomorrow or Saturday. I guess we'll see how everything goes.

Now hopefully I can go right back to not paying attention to my cycle. I'm pretty sure it's going to be a lot harder during these two weeks than the last two!

Monday, May 7, 2007

deep breath in

I'm trying a new approach to this cycle - hopefully it will help me not obsess so much. It may flop, we'll see. :-) All I know is I can't do whatever happened last month again. It was too much for me, too much for M... just too much.

I'm taking a break from charting (OCD beasts, be still), I'm staying away from all but one of my online communities, and I'm trying to focus on other things. It's only day 4, but it's working well so far - knock on wood. It seems like I think about it less and less with each passing day, which is really nice. I have no idea what went so wrong for me emotionally last cycle. First and foremost, there was some other body weirdness going on that coincided with what would have been pregnancy implantation time leading me to have all sorts of strange symptoms. It was probably a cyst or something, but it got my hopes up a little too high for my own good. Also, I think telling my parents was a mistake. Well, not a mistake, exactly. It certainly made negotiating the schedule overlap easier and it was really, really nice to get to see them. But I think it put a lot more pressure on this last cycle than I realized. As much as I know intellectually that my inability to get pregnant is not some form of personal failure (and I DO know that, in my head), that's still the way it *feels* to me and it was embarassing and stressful to know that my parents were witnesses to my latest incident of inadequacy.

Buuuut... All of that is irrelevant now that we're in the zen cycle. :-) My goal for the next week is to lose track of what cycle day I am on. So far, so good. I actually had to look at the calendar to figure out today was day 4 when I typed it above. Usually I know my cycle day as clearly as I know my own name. The plan is to reduce my consciousness to the bare minimum. The first thing I *have* to do is start daily OPK-result phone calls to the NP on Mother's Day, and my plan is to ask M to remind me to do that, then LET GO of it myself. I found a local acupunturist who specializes in fertililty. Now whether we'll be able to afford for me to go is another question, but not one that needs to be addressed at the moment. I also printed out an updated yoga schedule for the gym.

Cue new leaf.

Thursday, May 3, 2007