Monday, December 20, 2010

ornamental lovin'

Here is the ornament we received in the swap. Cute, huh?!

It doesn't actually have a smudge on it. I just covered up our last name* for public sharing. Actually, the painting is exquisite. I consider myself an artsy kind of gal but there's no way I could have painted such intricate little details as this ornament has. Big thanks to this lovely family for sharing their talents!

*It's not our real last name. It's the jumble of M's and my last names that we made-up and use "internally" to refer to ourselves. I totally love that it made it's way onto our tree this year. :-)

Thursday, December 16, 2010

thank you and an update

Thanks so much for your sympathy (and profanity) about the postponed FET. It was just exactly what I needed. Here’s the rest of the story:

I called the clinic on Monday to sort out this early ultrasound business. It turns out the nurse was wrong about me needing a CD2/3 scan, but she was right about the bottom line - there was no way to cycle off my next AF. It has to do with the fact that the embryology lab is closed for the holidays from 12/17 through 1/14 (how do I get a job there?!) and the fact that no patients can be “on the calendar” while the lab is closed. The nurse originally told me I couldn’t even be on estrogen while the lab was closed, but that changed after my meltdown, so I’m still a little confused on what the actual policy is. The non-negotiable part is that the absolute earliest they can thaw embryos for a transfer is 1/21, if my period happened to fall on a day to allow that, which of course it was not set to do.

I had already done some quick EDD calculating and figured out that if I needed to skip a cycle, I’d be due too late to use my flex spending dollars for the ridiculous insurance deductible I’ll have to meet at the time of delivery. When we funded my FSA this year, we put in the full $5000 figuring we’d spend more than that on either 1 FET + 1 delivery deductible OR 2 FETs, and back when we were making this decision, it seemed impossible that either of those possibilities wouldn’t fit neatly into the benefit year. I explained this whole thing to the nurse (tearfully, at times) and she felt bad enough for me that she agreed to talk to the doctor and get back to me with some ideas.

While I was waiting to hear back from her, I did some further research of my own and learned a couple of things: First, my period came early last time but I hadn’t updated the CD1s I’d penciled in for the next few months. That alone bought me a few extra days, let alone any more that would come if my period happened to be early again. I also discovered that the FSA grace period is 75 days rather than the 60 I’d been using in my calculations. The end result was that leaving everything as it was and skipping a cycle would lead to an EDD of 10/28/11 and an FSA grace period run-out of 11/14/11. As long as NOTHING ELSE went wrong, we should be okay.

Armed with this new information, I was considerably calmer when the nurse called back. And then it got even better. She talked with the doctor and they’d come up with the plan of putting me on BC pills starting on my next CD1 to throw my cycle on ice, so to speak. Then, they could take me off BC to induce a period at the right time for a transfer on 1/21 – the earliest possible date after their closure. If AF takes her sweet time coming or my lining isn’t up to snuff, I could get pushed back to 1/28, but hopefully no further than that. I explained what I’d learned and asked if there were any physical or other drawbacks to going the BC route and she insisted there is not and they do it all the time to get people’s cycles lined up correctly.

The final square in this comic strip of my day shows AF arriving a mere two hours after our call. I wasn’t expecting her for at least 4 more days, but there she was, and I have to admit I was thrilled to have someone to blame my rollercoaster emotions on. Fortunately, the nurse had already called in the BC and I was able to start them right way.

So, that’s the new plan. I’m popping BC pills like a high school student and watching the days pass by, again. Looks like we’ll have news of some kind by mid-February. Please, please let it be of the BFN/P variety.

God forbid it ever just be simple.

Tucking myself back underground now.

In other news, we got our ornament from the swap and it’s adorable! E hung it on the tree himself and checks on it nightly. I’ll snap some pics tonight so I can share them with you all. I also finished mine and it will be going out in tomorrow’s mail. Late, I know. We haven’t sent out our holiday cards either, so you’re in good company, oh undisclosed ornament recipient. It’s been a challenging couple of weeks. Sorry.

Friday, December 10, 2010


Since I broke my own gag order about the FET, I'll let you in on the latest chapter so you aren't looking for an outcome report any time soon.

Today was supposed to be transfer day. Today was the day I was supposed to lay on a table with an overfull bladder and watch two flashes of light on an ultrasound screen. M and I both had the day off, my acupuncturist was on standby, and I went to bed Wednesday night in excited disbelief that it was so close. Then yesterday, I woke up with Elliot's stomach flu and puked my guts (and meds) out all day. I guess my body had been doing a good job of holding it at bay, but then I started the pre-transfer prednisone which handicapped my immune system and WHAM. My RE ruled that my body was not ready to go through with the transfer today, and as much as it killed me to hear it, I knew she was right. And with that, 3+ weeks of medications, monitoring and anticipation went out the window. We have to start all over. Icing on the cake? There's a high probability AF will show during the clinic's holiday closure which would mean having to wait another full cycle because they want to scan me on CD2 or 3. There's a chance we'll be into February before we get another shot at a transfer. The original plan was to transfer in October. October. Two days ago, we thought we'd have results by Christmas. Now, we're nowhere. We're not even back at the starting line yet.

I'm planning to argue with them on that early cycle ultrasound. I didn't have one for this cycle and I'm not sure why I would need one for the next cycle. I guess because of the hormone preparation I did? M had the idea to keep doing the PIO for another week to keep AF at bay. I'm still on the fence about this one. I thought it was a great idea, but then I was feeling so sore and achy last night (stomach flu, remember?) that we skipped it. In hindsight I wish we hadn't, but we did, and I kind of feel like my body has kind of been through enough without jerking it on and off progesterone. *sigh* Anyone have thoughts? I'm feeling too defeated by the whole thing to see the right answer in all of this.

Monday, December 6, 2010

trapped under something heavy

I bailed on NaBloPoMo. The only thing stranger (to me) than doing that is the fact that I don't care. I'm usually someone that will move heaven and earth to avoid any type of failure, even the most minor and inconsequential, but I'm not myself right now.

The Thing That Shall Not Be Blogged About is in full swing, and it's taking more out of me than I expected. Other things taking more out of me than expected - both good and bad - include but are not limited to:

- We bought a new (to us) car - yay! It's a 2007 VW Rabbit in great shape with low miles and heated seats. Yes, it has many other luxurious features but none are quite so lovely as the butt-warmers. :-) It will be a bit of a squeeze if we ever need to put two carseats into the back, but we tried it and it works. The fact that it even has a back seat is a huge step up from the tiny pickup M was driving until a week ago. I drive an SUV which is and can remain our primary family car, but this is a much more practical "back up" vehicle, and also M just plain works hard and deserves a better car than the one she had. Mission accomplished.

- My parents were here for an extended visit - yay! Elliot got to stay home from school for almost two full weeks of spoiling. My dad built him a train table for Christmas and he loves, loves, loves it.

- I celebrated a birthday by taking care of a violently ill toddler experiencing his first stomach virus - boo! He projectile-vomited every half hour for four hours straight. I have no idea where the sheer volume came from. Dinner reservations were canceled and towels were gone through two or three at a time. The vomiting started while walking through a shopping mall. I'll spare you the details, but trust me when I say it was the most terrible thing I've seen... ever? Maybe. Anyway, my mom was with us and it was as if time stood still while I had two simultaneous thoughts: The first was "Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod. Mom!! Do something!! Help him!!!" and the second was "Waaaaaaaait a second... FUCK. I'm the mom." There was a pause - only a second or two but it felt like thirty - during which he turned his face toward mine and looked at me with scared, wide eyes and I froze, looking back at him with the exact same expression, I'm sure. And then I figured it out. And then I figured it out again... and again... and again. I've had better birthdays.

- Elliot has decided to discontinue both going to sleep on his own and sleeping through the night - boo! M and I are terribly sleep-deprived. Looks like another round of sleep training is in order. Hate.

- Work is crazy - boo! (Yawn)

So that's the scoop. I'm moody and anxious and emotional and tired and not really blogging, except for skimming my reader between meetings and such. I have been doing my best to keep up to date on everyone (despite how my pitiful lack of commenting makes it seem) but especially on my two bedresting buds who I continue to send good vibes to every single day.