We just tested out three carseats across the back row of my compact SUV. It's a tight squeeze but they fit, so that's good.
On the not-so-good side, I may be having the tiniest bit of an anxiety attack over the sight of it. Holy crap. We're about to have three small children, two of which will be newborns. *gulp*
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
just the facts, ma'am
Stats from OB appointment on Monday:
Weekly visits and NSTs from here on out. Next growth scan is on 4/30. I made that appointment in, like, February or something and I remember saying "I guess I'll just cancel that one if I've had the babies by then" to the receptionist. I can't believe it's less than two weeks away now. Fingers crossed I make it that far and beyond! My weight seems to have plateaued (I've only gained one pound in the last three weeks - no surprise since my stomach is roughly in my left armpit at this point - have I mentioned I'm 5'2" and short-waisted?) but my fundal height went up 3cm in that same time period, so I guess the boys are growing away in there!
- BP: 100/68
- Swelling: Yep. But nothing too serious or concerning. (Still wearing shoes and my wedding ring!)
- Fundal Height: 41cm
- First NST: Passed
Weekly visits and NSTs from here on out. Next growth scan is on 4/30. I made that appointment in, like, February or something and I remember saying "I guess I'll just cancel that one if I've had the babies by then" to the receptionist. I can't believe it's less than two weeks away now. Fingers crossed I make it that far and beyond! My weight seems to have plateaued (I've only gained one pound in the last three weeks - no surprise since my stomach is roughly in my left armpit at this point - have I mentioned I'm 5'2" and short-waisted?) but my fundal height went up 3cm in that same time period, so I guess the boys are growing away in there!
Monday, April 16, 2012
cranky
I'm feeling restless and moody today, for no good reason. I'm off work and M took E to school this morning (180 degrees out of her way - so big thanks to her) so I didn't get out of bed until 9am. Since then, I've been sitting on the couch watching United States of Tara, stressing over our finances, and making a list of all the crap we still have to do before the babies arrive. (Huh, I take back what I said about not knowing why I'm feeling moody...) I have an OB appointment in a couple of hours and, for the first time, I'm planning on whining a bit. I am just so big and uncomfortable. The frequent contractions I've been having for the past couple weeks seem to have slowed, but they've been replaced by intense low pelvic pressure - no less concerning. In other (related?) news, my previously-lauded chiropractor is (a) just plain too far away, (b) not working enough days/hours to accommodate her patient load, leaving not a single free appointment on one of the days I wanted to get in this week, and (c) dragging her feet on ordering the type of table she needs to treat pregnant women comfortably, despite telling me that she fully appreciates how much she needs one and they ship within 48 hours of being ordered so, hey, it could totally be here by my next appointment, but she just can't bite the bullet because "it's like buying a car!" /vent
For contrast, I should document that we had an AWESOME day as a family yesterday. E helped me make a yummy breakfast of buttermilk pancakes (using my B&B-operating mom's signature recipe), bacon and fruit salad. Then we headed out to run some errands - something I haven't felt up to doing for 2-3 weeks now. Our spoils included a stylin' haircut for E, a new iphone for yours truly, treats from Godiva for all, and Build-a-Bears for Crash and Bash, lovingly chosen and "built" by the big-brother-to-be. (Geez, that last one was some serious cute overload. Let me tell you.) Our days as a family of three are numbered, and it was fun getting out with M and E, enjoying the family we are now instead of being all-consumed with thoughts about the family we're becoming. There were several times that E and I were walking together hand in hand and he was chattering on about this, that, or the other thing and I felt overwhelmed to think our time together will never be this simple or effortless again. Gah, this is supposed to be the happy paragraph. But, even the sad-ish part was still happy. I'm thankful for the relatively quiet moments with M and E, thankful for the 3+ years I've had to get to enjoy him as an only child, thankful for the burst of energy that let me participate in yesterday, and thankful for the pictures taken and memories made.
Update on a couple of things from my last post... I decided to go down to part-time this week. I'm still planning to work 25-30 hours (unless my doctor expresses other plans at my appointment today), but it seems like the right time to start scaling back. My "last day" is tentatively planned for April 27th (34 weeks), but I may move it up or push it back depending on how I'm feeling. The meeting with the lawyer was a bit of a mixed bag, but positive overall. The good news: We don't have to pay double for anything except the amended birth certificates, and she is charging us the same fee for her services that we paid with E ($300 less than her current charge). The bad news: The judge who granted E's adoption - the ONE judge in our county who was willing to handle same-sex adoption cases - has retired. There is another judge who has expressed an openness to hear cases like ours (and has accepted one of our attorney's cases so far, after the judge who replaced the retired judge flat out refused to keep it on his schedule), but this new judge has been really tough to pin down or get responses from. The attorney suspects he may not waive some of the requirements that the last judge did (i.e. home study, publication of intent to adopt) and it's likely this will end up costing us quite a bit more money, time and stress than our last adoption did. Ah, the lengths we go to, huh? All of that said, she's optimistic we will be able to finalize before the end of 2012, so we wrote her a big fat check and she started preparing our paperwork. Once the babies arrive, she'll update the petition to include their names and birth dates, and as soon as their SSNs and birth certificates are received, we'll be able to file. Then, we just wait out the 6 months and tackle whatever ridiculous hurdles the court puts in front of us. I can't believe we're going through this demeaning process again, but glad we're getting off to an earlier start this time.
I've been feeling really introverted lately, hence the lack of blog commenting. I am still reading religiously though, and sending out good thoughts to all of my blogosphere friends!
For contrast, I should document that we had an AWESOME day as a family yesterday. E helped me make a yummy breakfast of buttermilk pancakes (using my B&B-operating mom's signature recipe), bacon and fruit salad. Then we headed out to run some errands - something I haven't felt up to doing for 2-3 weeks now. Our spoils included a stylin' haircut for E, a new iphone for yours truly, treats from Godiva for all, and Build-a-Bears for Crash and Bash, lovingly chosen and "built" by the big-brother-to-be. (Geez, that last one was some serious cute overload. Let me tell you.) Our days as a family of three are numbered, and it was fun getting out with M and E, enjoying the family we are now instead of being all-consumed with thoughts about the family we're becoming. There were several times that E and I were walking together hand in hand and he was chattering on about this, that, or the other thing and I felt overwhelmed to think our time together will never be this simple or effortless again. Gah, this is supposed to be the happy paragraph. But, even the sad-ish part was still happy. I'm thankful for the relatively quiet moments with M and E, thankful for the 3+ years I've had to get to enjoy him as an only child, thankful for the burst of energy that let me participate in yesterday, and thankful for the pictures taken and memories made.
Update on a couple of things from my last post... I decided to go down to part-time this week. I'm still planning to work 25-30 hours (unless my doctor expresses other plans at my appointment today), but it seems like the right time to start scaling back. My "last day" is tentatively planned for April 27th (34 weeks), but I may move it up or push it back depending on how I'm feeling. The meeting with the lawyer was a bit of a mixed bag, but positive overall. The good news: We don't have to pay double for anything except the amended birth certificates, and she is charging us the same fee for her services that we paid with E ($300 less than her current charge). The bad news: The judge who granted E's adoption - the ONE judge in our county who was willing to handle same-sex adoption cases - has retired. There is another judge who has expressed an openness to hear cases like ours (and has accepted one of our attorney's cases so far, after the judge who replaced the retired judge flat out refused to keep it on his schedule), but this new judge has been really tough to pin down or get responses from. The attorney suspects he may not waive some of the requirements that the last judge did (i.e. home study, publication of intent to adopt) and it's likely this will end up costing us quite a bit more money, time and stress than our last adoption did. Ah, the lengths we go to, huh? All of that said, she's optimistic we will be able to finalize before the end of 2012, so we wrote her a big fat check and she started preparing our paperwork. Once the babies arrive, she'll update the petition to include their names and birth dates, and as soon as their SSNs and birth certificates are received, we'll be able to file. Then, we just wait out the 6 months and tackle whatever ridiculous hurdles the court puts in front of us. I can't believe we're going through this demeaning process again, but glad we're getting off to an earlier start this time.
I've been feeling really introverted lately, hence the lack of blog commenting. I am still reading religiously though, and sending out good thoughts to all of my blogosphere friends!
Monday, April 9, 2012
31 weeks and change
There's a lot going on around here, most of it very good.
I am still working full-time, but considering starting some sort of part-time/phase-out plan over the next couple of weeks... and then second-guessing that decision. I haven't talked with my boss yet about the possibility of extending my (unpaid) 12 weeks of job protection, but employees have asked to do so in the past and been denied, so I can't see how they could make an exception for me without getting into a very sticky situation. I work for a small non-profit where gossip and drama are the social currency. That means that any time I take before the babies are born is less time I'll have with them after they arrive. (Work = Post For Another Day. Nutshell version is that I'm not sure what the long-term plan is, but I HAVE to go back for a few weeks after they're born or I will owe my employer a ton of money which would pose a serious hardship financially.) ANYWAY, I feel okay most days, as long as we understand "okay" in the context of measuring 40+ weeks pregnant and having the associated swollen feet and ankles, shortness of breath, sleepless nights, heartburn, exhaustion, etc. Holy moly, twin pregnancy is tough - tougher than I can capture here, in many ways. I've been waiting for "the wall" so many talk about hitting during their twin pregnancy, and I'm pretty sure I reached it myself right around 30 weeks. I'm able to push through the weekdays, but I crash hard on the weekends. The fact that I'm physically making it to Friday makes me think I should keep working, but then I consider how exhausted I am on Saturday and Sunday and wonder if I'm inflicting more toll on my body during the week than I should be. I dunno, going to just keep taking it one day at a time for now.
That said, I'll tell you the same thing I tell everyone who asks how I'm doing - it's hard to feel anything other than supremely lucky that I'm still up and around and doing as much as I am at just shy of 32 weeks, and that the babies seem to be doing so well, too. Of course I'm achy and tired and, let's just be honest, totally useless around the house (poor M) but I'm not on bedrest and all signs point to this pregnancy continuing for a while longer, knock on wood. I had both an MFM growth scan and an OB appointment a week ago today and got glowing reports all around. The babies weights were estimated at 3lbs, 6oz (Crash) and 3lbs, 12oz (Bash) which were roughly 40th and 50th percentile for singletons. That's an improvement over their last scan where they were more like 25th and 50th. Crash is still head-down and Bash is transverse now rather than breech, but his position (compared to the previous ultrasound) indicates he may be in the process of turning head-down as well. The tech said they and I both looked great and congratulated us on our progress so far. Then I went to see my regular OB who was thrilled with the babies' sizes and my overall condition. My blood pressure was 110/60 and my urine was negative for protein. I told her I'd been having a lot of BH contractions so she did a cervical check and found that my cervix is softening, but not dilated or effaced at all, so hooray! I know - lucky, lucky, lucky - but I promise I'm not taking one bit of it for granted.
I've been seeing a chiropractor weekly since I hit 22 weeks and will be stepping it up to twice a week starting tomorrow. She moved her office last weekend so she's now a 30+ minute drive for me rather than the 10 she used to be, and she doesn't have the right type of table in her new office to accommodate my full-term belly, which is a huge PITA (and other body parts), but I'm not giving up on her yet because I truly believe her care may be the single greatest contributor to how well I'm holding up. My first appointment in the new location was Friday night and she and I were both startled and disappointed to discover just how ineffective the new set-up is for me, so I'm hoping she'll have some new ideas when I go in tomorrow. We are so close. Just gotta limp across the finish line somehow!!
The other highlight of the past couple of weeks was the wonderful family shower In Loco Parentis threw for us last weekend. She and her partner went all out, and it was so fun to get together with friends and share our excitement over the babes' impending arrival. When she approached me with the shower idea a couple of months ago, I was a little pinchy and anxious about it because it seems the etiquette guidelines are murky on "second showers" and I didn't want people to think we were being greedy. She assured me she felt twin pregnancies were granted a pardon on any second shower taboos (a sentiment many other friends and family members have echoed since) but that she'd still keep it less "shower" and more "laid-back, kid-friendly party to celebrate our expanding family and E's new role as a big brother." (OK, maybe not those exact words, but you get the gist.) She made good on her sales pitch, and it was absolutely perfect: Great food, great friends, great conversation, and tons of toys and games to make every kid there feel like they'd died and gone to heaven. We had two showers with E but they were both surprises, so it was a special treat to have this one to look forward to. Once again, how lucky am I?!
Tonight, M and I are meeting with our endlessly-quirky lawyer to start the ball rolling on the twins' adoption. We won't be able to finalize until they are 6 months old, but we're hoping that by getting all of our ducks in a row now, we'll have no trouble getting a court date between them coming of age (ha ha) and the end of 2012. We wouldn't be in such a hurry except that we've heard the adoption tax credit is likely to go waaay down in 2013 (don't get me started) and we already pay the gay tax, giving Uncle Sam a grossly unjust share of our income, so would prefer not to give him any more than we have to. We can't wait to find out how much it will cost us for twins, compared to what we paid for E. On one hand: Double the kids, double the fees? (gulp) On the other hand: It's still only one series of meetings with us, one set of court documents, one hearing, etc. In my initial email to the lawyer, I asked her what to expect in terms of expenses but the answer was conspicuously absent from her reply. Hmmm... Will report back.
I think that's all the news that's fit to print. I will, of course, post ASAP if anything exciting happens around here (please, please don't let anything exciting happen around here for at least 4-5 more weeks) and I still have my twin questions in the queue as well. :-)
I am still working full-time, but considering starting some sort of part-time/phase-out plan over the next couple of weeks... and then second-guessing that decision. I haven't talked with my boss yet about the possibility of extending my (unpaid) 12 weeks of job protection, but employees have asked to do so in the past and been denied, so I can't see how they could make an exception for me without getting into a very sticky situation. I work for a small non-profit where gossip and drama are the social currency. That means that any time I take before the babies are born is less time I'll have with them after they arrive. (Work = Post For Another Day. Nutshell version is that I'm not sure what the long-term plan is, but I HAVE to go back for a few weeks after they're born or I will owe my employer a ton of money which would pose a serious hardship financially.) ANYWAY, I feel okay most days, as long as we understand "okay" in the context of measuring 40+ weeks pregnant and having the associated swollen feet and ankles, shortness of breath, sleepless nights, heartburn, exhaustion, etc. Holy moly, twin pregnancy is tough - tougher than I can capture here, in many ways. I've been waiting for "the wall" so many talk about hitting during their twin pregnancy, and I'm pretty sure I reached it myself right around 30 weeks. I'm able to push through the weekdays, but I crash hard on the weekends. The fact that I'm physically making it to Friday makes me think I should keep working, but then I consider how exhausted I am on Saturday and Sunday and wonder if I'm inflicting more toll on my body during the week than I should be. I dunno, going to just keep taking it one day at a time for now.
That said, I'll tell you the same thing I tell everyone who asks how I'm doing - it's hard to feel anything other than supremely lucky that I'm still up and around and doing as much as I am at just shy of 32 weeks, and that the babies seem to be doing so well, too. Of course I'm achy and tired and, let's just be honest, totally useless around the house (poor M) but I'm not on bedrest and all signs point to this pregnancy continuing for a while longer, knock on wood. I had both an MFM growth scan and an OB appointment a week ago today and got glowing reports all around. The babies weights were estimated at 3lbs, 6oz (Crash) and 3lbs, 12oz (Bash) which were roughly 40th and 50th percentile for singletons. That's an improvement over their last scan where they were more like 25th and 50th. Crash is still head-down and Bash is transverse now rather than breech, but his position (compared to the previous ultrasound) indicates he may be in the process of turning head-down as well. The tech said they and I both looked great and congratulated us on our progress so far. Then I went to see my regular OB who was thrilled with the babies' sizes and my overall condition. My blood pressure was 110/60 and my urine was negative for protein. I told her I'd been having a lot of BH contractions so she did a cervical check and found that my cervix is softening, but not dilated or effaced at all, so hooray! I know - lucky, lucky, lucky - but I promise I'm not taking one bit of it for granted.
I've been seeing a chiropractor weekly since I hit 22 weeks and will be stepping it up to twice a week starting tomorrow. She moved her office last weekend so she's now a 30+ minute drive for me rather than the 10 she used to be, and she doesn't have the right type of table in her new office to accommodate my full-term belly, which is a huge PITA (and other body parts), but I'm not giving up on her yet because I truly believe her care may be the single greatest contributor to how well I'm holding up. My first appointment in the new location was Friday night and she and I were both startled and disappointed to discover just how ineffective the new set-up is for me, so I'm hoping she'll have some new ideas when I go in tomorrow. We are so close. Just gotta limp across the finish line somehow!!
The other highlight of the past couple of weeks was the wonderful family shower In Loco Parentis threw for us last weekend. She and her partner went all out, and it was so fun to get together with friends and share our excitement over the babes' impending arrival. When she approached me with the shower idea a couple of months ago, I was a little pinchy and anxious about it because it seems the etiquette guidelines are murky on "second showers" and I didn't want people to think we were being greedy. She assured me she felt twin pregnancies were granted a pardon on any second shower taboos (a sentiment many other friends and family members have echoed since) but that she'd still keep it less "shower" and more "laid-back, kid-friendly party to celebrate our expanding family and E's new role as a big brother." (OK, maybe not those exact words, but you get the gist.) She made good on her sales pitch, and it was absolutely perfect: Great food, great friends, great conversation, and tons of toys and games to make every kid there feel like they'd died and gone to heaven. We had two showers with E but they were both surprises, so it was a special treat to have this one to look forward to. Once again, how lucky am I?!
Tonight, M and I are meeting with our endlessly-quirky lawyer to start the ball rolling on the twins' adoption. We won't be able to finalize until they are 6 months old, but we're hoping that by getting all of our ducks in a row now, we'll have no trouble getting a court date between them coming of age (ha ha) and the end of 2012. We wouldn't be in such a hurry except that we've heard the adoption tax credit is likely to go waaay down in 2013 (don't get me started) and we already pay the gay tax, giving Uncle Sam a grossly unjust share of our income, so would prefer not to give him any more than we have to. We can't wait to find out how much it will cost us for twins, compared to what we paid for E. On one hand: Double the kids, double the fees? (gulp) On the other hand: It's still only one series of meetings with us, one set of court documents, one hearing, etc. In my initial email to the lawyer, I asked her what to expect in terms of expenses but the answer was conspicuously absent from her reply. Hmmm... Will report back.
I think that's all the news that's fit to print. I will, of course, post ASAP if anything exciting happens around here (please, please don't let anything exciting happen around here for at least 4-5 more weeks) and I still have my twin questions in the queue as well. :-)
Friday, March 23, 2012
Greetings, wise internets.
I come to you with questions!
I've had all these debates bouncing around in my head for days or weeks or months and I keep thinking "I should ask the smart people who read my blog about that." I even started a list... but it was on a post-it which I seem to have lost. So, here are the two I can think of right now, most likely to be followed up by more in the near future.* Thanks in advance for any thoughts you care to share!
1. Baby Books - Anyone have one they love? Must be appropriate for a two-mom family, obviously. I keep going back and forth about whether to get the same ones for Crash and Bash as we got for E. On one hand, I like the consistency of getting the same book for each child - nobody's will be cooler than anyone else's. On the other, is that boring? Would it be more special for each child to have their own unique book? One pro for sticking with the same one is that it took me FOREVER to wrap my head around the billion milestones I was supposed to be watching for with E, and it would be nice not to have to "learn" a new book this time around. That said, E's book wasn't anything amazing. I picked it up a few days before he was born when I realized I didn't have one yet and I chose it primarily because I only had to cross out one reference to "Dad" instead of 629 like all the other books I looked at. I wonder if I could do better with a little more advance research. Which brings me back to... Anyone have one they love?**
2. Bear pictures - We took E's picture with a bear every month for the first two years of his life, and intend to do so on every birthday from here on out. I'd like to carry this tradition on with Crash and Bash. The question is... Same bear? Different bear? Different bear for each child? On one hand, I like the idea of using the same unit of measurement for each child. On the other hand, is said unit of measurement going to become a family heirloom in which case it would be nice for each child to have their own so it can live in their homes someday, be chewed on by their offspring, etc?
Any thoughts?
*Actually, these will definitely be followed up by more in the future as I have a whole separate list of questions for the twin moms out there - so many, in fact, they warrant their own post, so that will be coming soon!
**The astronomical probability of these books being totally neglected is not lost on me. It was hard enough keeping one book up-to-date. I realize I may look back at this post a year from now and laugh at the very thought that I might maintain two baby books while raising twins and a preschooler. But, I want to try. And the first step is having the books there just in case I might, you know, want to write a sentence in one every 6 months or so.
I've had all these debates bouncing around in my head for days or weeks or months and I keep thinking "I should ask the smart people who read my blog about that." I even started a list... but it was on a post-it which I seem to have lost. So, here are the two I can think of right now, most likely to be followed up by more in the near future.* Thanks in advance for any thoughts you care to share!
1. Baby Books - Anyone have one they love? Must be appropriate for a two-mom family, obviously. I keep going back and forth about whether to get the same ones for Crash and Bash as we got for E. On one hand, I like the consistency of getting the same book for each child - nobody's will be cooler than anyone else's. On the other, is that boring? Would it be more special for each child to have their own unique book? One pro for sticking with the same one is that it took me FOREVER to wrap my head around the billion milestones I was supposed to be watching for with E, and it would be nice not to have to "learn" a new book this time around. That said, E's book wasn't anything amazing. I picked it up a few days before he was born when I realized I didn't have one yet and I chose it primarily because I only had to cross out one reference to "Dad" instead of 629 like all the other books I looked at. I wonder if I could do better with a little more advance research. Which brings me back to... Anyone have one they love?**
2. Bear pictures - We took E's picture with a bear every month for the first two years of his life, and intend to do so on every birthday from here on out. I'd like to carry this tradition on with Crash and Bash. The question is... Same bear? Different bear? Different bear for each child? On one hand, I like the idea of using the same unit of measurement for each child. On the other hand, is said unit of measurement going to become a family heirloom in which case it would be nice for each child to have their own so it can live in their homes someday, be chewed on by their offspring, etc?
Any thoughts?
*Actually, these will definitely be followed up by more in the future as I have a whole separate list of questions for the twin moms out there - so many, in fact, they warrant their own post, so that will be coming soon!
**The astronomical probability of these books being totally neglected is not lost on me. It was hard enough keeping one book up-to-date. I realize I may look back at this post a year from now and laugh at the very thought that I might maintain two baby books while raising twins and a preschooler. But, I want to try. And the first step is having the books there just in case I might, you know, want to write a sentence in one every 6 months or so.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
28.5 weeks...
...and time is flying.
Babies are estimated at about 2.5 pounds each. They're also freaking adorable, not that I'm biased or anything.
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I have a backlog of actual posts in my head. Hoping to be back with more words soon!
Babies are estimated at about 2.5 pounds each. They're also freaking adorable, not that I'm biased or anything.
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I have a backlog of actual posts in my head. Hoping to be back with more words soon!
Monday, March 12, 2012
my so-called life
There are four questions/comments I get a LOT these days:
1. When are you due? -OR- Is it a girl/boy? (These seem to be the interchangeable icebreakers and, apparently, do not warrant any other form of greeting or introduction!)
2. Do twins run in your family?
3. Is this your first pregnancy?
4. Wow, two more boys? Your husband must be [insert some synonym of "thrilled" and/or "over the moon" here]!
They come almost exclusively from complete strangers, and yet, I feel compelled to answer them honestly. Part of it is noble - seizing the teachable moment and all that - but much of it is that I'm a terrible liar. I have this irrational fear that the complete stranger is going to catch me in a lie and then... yeah, I dunno. Like I should care, right? But anyway, my typical answers are either (1a) "first week in June" followed by a pause for them to pop their eyes back into their sockets, and then "but I'm having twins so I'm bigger than I would be with one." Or, (1b) "Actually, it's two boys." Then we move on to (2), "well, no, but we did fertility treatments so that's kind of beside the point," and (3) "nope, I have a three year old son," before closing with (4) "my partner and I are both very excited."
Amazingly, that's not enough for some people and they proceed to ask if I'll have a c-section, whether I will breastfeed, if I'm going to keep working, and so on. STRANGERS ask me these things. OFTEN.
Late last week, I went to the post office to mail a package. It was Thursday or Friday afternoon and I was wiped. When the woman at the desk asked when I was due (after already having made a bet with the desk agent at the next station over, which I overheard - classy), I launched into the spiel, but I just didn't have it in me to do the full song and dance. So, when we hit the question about my family history of twins, I just said "nope" and left it at that, although I did throw in a slight smile/shrug as if to say "I just have no earthly idea how these two life forms found their way into my uterus!" I took the easy way out again when she asked about my husband: "Oh yeah, he is." And then came the twist. She asked if we'd been trying long. And without any forethought, it just came out: "No, not really." I guess I was on a roll. She proceeded to tell me about how she knew people who had to try for months and months (gasp!) and weren't we just "the lucky ones!" I just smiled and nodded... and willed her to finish the flipping transaction already so I could get OUT of this Twilight Zone of a conversation.
As I got back into my car, I thought about who that woman was that I'd just impersonated - a woman who had quickly and effortlessly conceived three children just by having sex with her husband. It's hard to think of a profile more different from my own.
The next day, I started out telling the truth to the woman doing my facial, but when she used her own post-IVF-surprise-pregnancy story to encourage me to "seriously consider" an IUD after the twins are born, I just laughed and went along with it. Maybe I missed out on a chance for Each One to Teach One, but... I don't know. Would it really have made a difference if I'd outed myself, or would it just have prolonged the conversation, further preventing me from enjoying the QUIET relaxation I was paying for?
I have to admit, my forays into dishonesty were a little intoxicating. The exchanges were easier; shorter. They also felt empty, like cotton candy, but I'm kind of okay with that too. It's not my job to educate a dozen complete strangers every single day. I do believe there is value in telling my truth to increase visibility, both for same-sex parents and infertility veterans, and I plan to keep that as my default course of action, but sometimes, my feet hurt and I just want to wrap this damn conversation up so I can get home already, you know?
1. When are you due? -OR- Is it a girl/boy? (These seem to be the interchangeable icebreakers and, apparently, do not warrant any other form of greeting or introduction!)
2. Do twins run in your family?
3. Is this your first pregnancy?
4. Wow, two more boys? Your husband must be [insert some synonym of "thrilled" and/or "over the moon" here]!
They come almost exclusively from complete strangers, and yet, I feel compelled to answer them honestly. Part of it is noble - seizing the teachable moment and all that - but much of it is that I'm a terrible liar. I have this irrational fear that the complete stranger is going to catch me in a lie and then... yeah, I dunno. Like I should care, right? But anyway, my typical answers are either (1a) "first week in June" followed by a pause for them to pop their eyes back into their sockets, and then "but I'm having twins so I'm bigger than I would be with one." Or, (1b) "Actually, it's two boys." Then we move on to (2), "well, no, but we did fertility treatments so that's kind of beside the point," and (3) "nope, I have a three year old son," before closing with (4) "my partner and I are both very excited."
Amazingly, that's not enough for some people and they proceed to ask if I'll have a c-section, whether I will breastfeed, if I'm going to keep working, and so on. STRANGERS ask me these things. OFTEN.
Late last week, I went to the post office to mail a package. It was Thursday or Friday afternoon and I was wiped. When the woman at the desk asked when I was due (after already having made a bet with the desk agent at the next station over, which I overheard - classy), I launched into the spiel, but I just didn't have it in me to do the full song and dance. So, when we hit the question about my family history of twins, I just said "nope" and left it at that, although I did throw in a slight smile/shrug as if to say "I just have no earthly idea how these two life forms found their way into my uterus!" I took the easy way out again when she asked about my husband: "Oh yeah, he is." And then came the twist. She asked if we'd been trying long. And without any forethought, it just came out: "No, not really." I guess I was on a roll. She proceeded to tell me about how she knew people who had to try for months and months (gasp!) and weren't we just "the lucky ones!" I just smiled and nodded... and willed her to finish the flipping transaction already so I could get OUT of this Twilight Zone of a conversation.
As I got back into my car, I thought about who that woman was that I'd just impersonated - a woman who had quickly and effortlessly conceived three children just by having sex with her husband. It's hard to think of a profile more different from my own.
The next day, I started out telling the truth to the woman doing my facial, but when she used her own post-IVF-surprise-pregnancy story to encourage me to "seriously consider" an IUD after the twins are born, I just laughed and went along with it. Maybe I missed out on a chance for Each One to Teach One, but... I don't know. Would it really have made a difference if I'd outed myself, or would it just have prolonged the conversation, further preventing me from enjoying the QUIET relaxation I was paying for?
I have to admit, my forays into dishonesty were a little intoxicating. The exchanges were easier; shorter. They also felt empty, like cotton candy, but I'm kind of okay with that too. It's not my job to educate a dozen complete strangers every single day. I do believe there is value in telling my truth to increase visibility, both for same-sex parents and infertility veterans, and I plan to keep that as my default course of action, but sometimes, my feet hurt and I just want to wrap this damn conversation up so I can get home already, you know?
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
(thanks)^3
Sorry for all the fly-by posting I've been doing lately. We're in the home stretch of finishing up all of the big home-improvement-slash-baby-readiness projects we wanted to do and are on day 12 of 17 straight days/nights of houseguests. First M's mom was here, followed by my parents, and on Thursday, it'll switch over to M's brother and sister-in-law. Then, our guest room is closed until further notice! I can't complain - we put out the call for help and were lucky enough to get a great response - but whew, are we ever exhausted. M and I did a LOT of work on our own before the parade of helpers began and the end result is that we haven't had a day "off" in over 6 weeks. But, our house is much improved, furniture has been relocated, truckloads of items have been taken to Goodwill, NB-3 month baby clothes are washed and in the nursery closet, and all we have left to do is to pick updated decorations for our newly bared walls. OK, we're not quite to that point, but we're close. Soooo close, and I cannot wait until all that's left on our to-do list is putting our feet up and waiting on the babes' arrival.
With all the chaos going on, I haven't taken the time to thank you for the kind and thoughtful comments y'all left on my last three posts. One of the things I treasure most about blogging is being able to stream out a barely-formed jumble of thoughts, and then have my fellow (read: wiser) bloggers come along and post comments that leave me thinking "Right! That, exactly!" or "Wow, I never pieced that together myself, but she's 100% right." And on that note... a couple of follow-ups:
HUGE thanks to all of you who empathized with my ramblings about our NT scan, and especially to those of you who shared "been there, done that" stories. Like Katie, who commented about her own pre-screening scare, my overwhelming feeling is one of regret, and I do not say that lightly. I wishwishwishwish we had never done the NT Scan. If I were to be pregnant again (ha!), I would decline it. I'm sure the test would be a useful tool for some people/scenarios, but for me, the magnitude of worry it caused when we had no desire for diagnostic testing any earlier than an amnio was simply a recipe for disaster. I realize I say this from the priviledged position of having several clean cardio scans since the NT, but my regret was instantaneous and has not wavered. And we're still not out of the woods. No one ever is, really, which - for me - is all the more reason that early testing is crap. You either get a possibly-false sense of security or a possibly-false sense of the world crashing down around you. Delightful!
Regarding viability, Bionic and tbean's comments pulled the chain on the lightbulb for me about WHY I was so underwhelmed by the 24 week milestone. It's because all of the sudden, people start talking about your baby's arrival like an Actual Thing; an Actual Thing that could happen, and holy hell, it is soooo too soon for that! It's true that a 24 weeker should do better than a 23.5 weeker, but nobody talks about your baby coming at 23.5 weeks because that's Scary. Then all of the sudden, they sneak a toe across this largely-theoretical line and everyone starts verbalizing how they can be born and be okay! And I'm left thinking "Um, they're only one day older than they were when they were Not Viable. Someone's going to have to explain the balloons and fireworks to me." Anywho. We're now a whopping 2.5 weeks over the theoretical line and while I'm still petrified at the thought of the babies making an untimely appearance, it certainly does get less scary by the day.
And SPD... thank you, thank you, thank you to those of you who offered tips and sympathy! I have been very conscious to keep my knees together as much as possible (there's a great joke in here somewhere...) and to find the right balance of gentle, frequent activity without overdoing it. I have been seeing a Webster-certified chiro since the beginning of February so it was easy to ask her to shift her focus a bit at my last appointment, and I think that helped too. All in all, I have to say that so far, I'm feeling VERY lucky to have what seems to be a minor case. As long as I keep my activity reasonable, it's manageable. For now. And at this point, I'm counting each day that it's tolerable as a win!
In other news, we had an ultrasound yesterday and got lots of good news - Crash (Baby A) and Bash (Baby B) are both within range for normal singleton weights. Crash was estimated at 1lb. 15oz and Bash was estimated at 2lbs. 3oz. Both hearts look good (144 and 152 bpm) and not only has Crash's placenta migrated off of my cervix, but he has turned head-down! I'm still working full-time and haven't had to limit my mobility yet, but it's getting tougher to do everything (oh sleep, how I miss you already) and my boss and I are meeting later this week to discuss a plan for scaling back my work schedule in the near-ish future. It's tough because my boss has her own medical leave scheduled for the second half of March, and I am HER coverage plan, so the goal is to make it to April (30 weeks) without any drastic cuts to my schedule if at all possible. That said, Crash and Bash are the number one priority so we'll do whatever we have to do whenever we have to do it!
Oh, and E's birthday party is this weekend. How exactly did it happen that he is turning THREE?
With all the chaos going on, I haven't taken the time to thank you for the kind and thoughtful comments y'all left on my last three posts. One of the things I treasure most about blogging is being able to stream out a barely-formed jumble of thoughts, and then have my fellow (read: wiser) bloggers come along and post comments that leave me thinking "Right! That, exactly!" or "Wow, I never pieced that together myself, but she's 100% right." And on that note... a couple of follow-ups:
HUGE thanks to all of you who empathized with my ramblings about our NT scan, and especially to those of you who shared "been there, done that" stories. Like Katie, who commented about her own pre-screening scare, my overwhelming feeling is one of regret, and I do not say that lightly. I wishwishwishwish we had never done the NT Scan. If I were to be pregnant again (ha!), I would decline it. I'm sure the test would be a useful tool for some people/scenarios, but for me, the magnitude of worry it caused when we had no desire for diagnostic testing any earlier than an amnio was simply a recipe for disaster. I realize I say this from the priviledged position of having several clean cardio scans since the NT, but my regret was instantaneous and has not wavered. And we're still not out of the woods. No one ever is, really, which - for me - is all the more reason that early testing is crap. You either get a possibly-false sense of security or a possibly-false sense of the world crashing down around you. Delightful!
Regarding viability, Bionic and tbean's comments pulled the chain on the lightbulb for me about WHY I was so underwhelmed by the 24 week milestone. It's because all of the sudden, people start talking about your baby's arrival like an Actual Thing; an Actual Thing that could happen, and holy hell, it is soooo too soon for that! It's true that a 24 weeker should do better than a 23.5 weeker, but nobody talks about your baby coming at 23.5 weeks because that's Scary. Then all of the sudden, they sneak a toe across this largely-theoretical line and everyone starts verbalizing how they can be born and be okay! And I'm left thinking "Um, they're only one day older than they were when they were Not Viable. Someone's going to have to explain the balloons and fireworks to me." Anywho. We're now a whopping 2.5 weeks over the theoretical line and while I'm still petrified at the thought of the babies making an untimely appearance, it certainly does get less scary by the day.
And SPD... thank you, thank you, thank you to those of you who offered tips and sympathy! I have been very conscious to keep my knees together as much as possible (there's a great joke in here somewhere...) and to find the right balance of gentle, frequent activity without overdoing it. I have been seeing a Webster-certified chiro since the beginning of February so it was easy to ask her to shift her focus a bit at my last appointment, and I think that helped too. All in all, I have to say that so far, I'm feeling VERY lucky to have what seems to be a minor case. As long as I keep my activity reasonable, it's manageable. For now. And at this point, I'm counting each day that it's tolerable as a win!
In other news, we had an ultrasound yesterday and got lots of good news - Crash (Baby A) and Bash (Baby B) are both within range for normal singleton weights. Crash was estimated at 1lb. 15oz and Bash was estimated at 2lbs. 3oz. Both hearts look good (144 and 152 bpm) and not only has Crash's placenta migrated off of my cervix, but he has turned head-down! I'm still working full-time and haven't had to limit my mobility yet, but it's getting tougher to do everything (oh sleep, how I miss you already) and my boss and I are meeting later this week to discuss a plan for scaling back my work schedule in the near-ish future. It's tough because my boss has her own medical leave scheduled for the second half of March, and I am HER coverage plan, so the goal is to make it to April (30 weeks) without any drastic cuts to my schedule if at all possible. That said, Crash and Bash are the number one priority so we'll do whatever we have to do whenever we have to do it!
Oh, and E's birthday party is this weekend. How exactly did it happen that he is turning THREE?
Sunday, February 26, 2012
OMG SPD, WTF?
Ow, ow, owwwwww! Any and all tips welcome.
ETA: Sorry. SPD for those who have been lucky enough to avoid it (as I was for the entirety of my last pregnancy) is this.
ETA: Sorry. SPD for those who have been lucky enough to avoid it (as I was for the entirety of my last pregnancy) is this.
Friday, February 17, 2012
first major milestone
24 weeks today, and I have to admit I'm not breathing the sigh of relief I expected to.
On one hand, we're at 24 weeks! Hooray! If something awful happened and the babies had to come tomorrow, they'd have a reasonable chance of surviving.
On the other hand, we're at 24 weeks! Scary! That is still so early, and they have so much more growing to do before we can genuinely expect good health outcomes.
(I don't have any reason to believe they won't continue to bake for another 2-3 months. I'm just being neurotic.)
So, in an effort to ditch my Debbie Downer attitude (because - Hey! 24 weeks! Viability! Yeah!) I now present this list of Very Cool Things:
On one hand, we're at 24 weeks! Hooray! If something awful happened and the babies had to come tomorrow, they'd have a reasonable chance of surviving.
On the other hand, we're at 24 weeks! Scary! That is still so early, and they have so much more growing to do before we can genuinely expect good health outcomes.
(I don't have any reason to believe they won't continue to bake for another 2-3 months. I'm just being neurotic.)
So, in an effort to ditch my Debbie Downer attitude (because - Hey! 24 weeks! Viability! Yeah!) I now present this list of Very Cool Things:
- Baby B is kicking away as I write this post and if I stop typing for a minute and look down at my belly, I can see it twitching and jumping from the outside.
- E moved into his new bedroom last week. It was really fun (and a LOT of work) getting it all set up, picking out "big boy" furnishings and accessories, and moving all of his books and toys into his new space. He'll be three in less than a month, but somehow, it's the move to the big boy room that has me all misty over how fast he's growing. He seems to dig the new room for everything but sleeping right now, but we'll get there. Change is hard.
- We're struggling something awful with names. We are pretty sure we have one first name picked out, but the second one just isn't falling into place, and we haven't even begun to discuss middle names. E has had two consistent suggestions since the day we told him he was getting little brothers: Crash and Bash. Hmmm.
- E is excited, if confused, about the impending arrival of his brothers. Every time our dog barks, signaling someone has arrived at our house (or any of our nearby neighbors'), E's eyes turn to saucers and he exclaims "My brothers are here!" Freaking. Adorable.
- The babies were 1lb. 1oz and 1lb 2ozs. at my ultrasound almost two weeks ago. Not too shabby. I'm hoping my random appetite surge of the past week indicates a decent growth spurt since then, too. (The amount of food I have consumed since last Friday is truly shocking. I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't watched it pass my lips.) C'mon babies! Keep on growing!
- And one obnoxious brag: Peter and the Wolf has been on heavy rotation in my car for months now, and E has long been able to identify the different instrument families in it, and other pieces of classical music as well. During the last few days, he has also started singing the instrumental parts along with the CD when it plays. His favorite is Grandfather. His brain is so amazing.
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