Beatle Breakdown

I just heard back from Xy.tex. The Beatle still hasn’t come in for his blood work. Once he does, it will take three weeks to get the results back, at which point they will begin calling his pending list. We’re number 6, so… yeah. She didn’t say how many vials they have in quarantine but I’m guessing sixth place isn’t going to make the cut. Even if they had enough vials to get to us on the list (assuming several people ahead of us pass or only purchase a couple), we’re still probably out of the running based upon timing. He’d have to have a blood draw in the next 72 hours to have any chance of his samples reaching the clinic by their deadline.

I feel completely crushed under the weight of this news. I really thought I’d be okay with needing to use a different donor – not thrilled, of course – but not destroyed either. I was so wrong. It’s the powerlessness thing again. I GET that I am not in control of anything when it comes to conception, pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding... Really, I do. Is it so necessary to keep reminding me of it at every single goddamn turn?

I’m trying to keep perspective and remember that someday, this will all feel like exactly what needed to happen, but I’m also feeling pretty fucking angry at whatever powers don’t see fit to cut us a break on this one.