ornamental lovin'

Here is the ornament we received in the swap. Cute, huh?!

It doesn't actually have a smudge on it. I just covered up our last name* for public sharing. Actually, the painting is exquisite. I consider myself an artsy kind of gal but there's no way I could have painted such intricate little details as this ornament has. Big thanks to this lovely family for sharing their talents!

*It's not our real last name. It's the jumble of M's and my last names that we made-up and use "internally" to refer to ourselves. I totally love that it made it's way onto our tree this year. :-)

thank you and an update

Thanks so much for your sympathy (and profanity) about the postponed FET. It was just exactly what I needed. Here’s the rest of the story:

I called the clinic on Monday to sort out this early ultrasound business. It turns out the nurse was wrong about me needing a CD2/3 scan, but she was right about the bottom line - there was no way to cycle off my next AF. It has to do with the fact that the embryology lab is closed for the holidays from 12/17 through 1/14 (how do I get a job there?!) and the fact that no patients can be “on the calendar” while the lab is closed. The nurse originally told me I couldn’t even be on estrogen while the lab was closed, but that changed after my meltdown, so I’m still a little confused on what the actual policy is. The non-negotiable part is that the absolute earliest they can thaw embryos for a transfer is 1/21, if my period happened to fall on a day to allow that, which of course it was not set to do.

I had already done some quick EDD calculating and figured out that if I needed to skip a cycle, I’d be due too late to use my flex spending dollars for the ridiculous insurance deductible I’ll have to meet at the time of delivery. When we funded my FSA this year, we put in the full $5000 figuring we’d spend more than that on either 1 FET + 1 delivery deductible OR 2 FETs, and back when we were making this decision, it seemed impossible that either of those possibilities wouldn’t fit neatly into the benefit year. I explained this whole thing to the nurse (tearfully, at times) and she felt bad enough for me that she agreed to talk to the doctor and get back to me with some ideas.

While I was waiting to hear back from her, I did some further research of my own and learned a couple of things: First, my period came early last time but I hadn’t updated the CD1s I’d penciled in for the next few months. That alone bought me a few extra days, let alone any more that would come if my period happened to be early again. I also discovered that the FSA grace period is 75 days rather than the 60 I’d been using in my calculations. The end result was that leaving everything as it was and skipping a cycle would lead to an EDD of 10/28/11 and an FSA grace period run-out of 11/14/11. As long as NOTHING ELSE went wrong, we should be okay.

Armed with this new information, I was considerably calmer when the nurse called back. And then it got even better. She talked with the doctor and they’d come up with the plan of putting me on BC pills starting on my next CD1 to throw my cycle on ice, so to speak. Then, they could take me off BC to induce a period at the right time for a transfer on 1/21 – the earliest possible date after their closure. If AF takes her sweet time coming or my lining isn’t up to snuff, I could get pushed back to 1/28, but hopefully no further than that. I explained what I’d learned and asked if there were any physical or other drawbacks to going the BC route and she insisted there is not and they do it all the time to get people’s cycles lined up correctly.

The final square in this comic strip of my day shows AF arriving a mere two hours after our call. I wasn’t expecting her for at least 4 more days, but there she was, and I have to admit I was thrilled to have someone to blame my rollercoaster emotions on. Fortunately, the nurse had already called in the BC and I was able to start them right way.

So, that’s the new plan. I’m popping BC pills like a high school student and watching the days pass by, again. Looks like we’ll have news of some kind by mid-February. Please, please let it be of the BFN/P variety.

God forbid it ever just be simple.

Tucking myself back underground now.

In other news, we got our ornament from the swap and it’s adorable! E hung it on the tree himself and checks on it nightly. I’ll snap some pics tonight so I can share them with you all. I also finished mine and it will be going out in tomorrow’s mail. Late, I know. We haven’t sent out our holiday cards either, so you’re in good company, oh undisclosed ornament recipient. It’s been a challenging couple of weeks. Sorry.

benched

Since I broke my own gag order about the FET, I'll let you in on the latest chapter so you aren't looking for an outcome report any time soon.

Today was supposed to be transfer day. Today was the day I was supposed to lay on a table with an overfull bladder and watch two flashes of light on an ultrasound screen. M and I both had the day off, my acupuncturist was on standby, and I went to bed Wednesday night in excited disbelief that it was so close. Then yesterday, I woke up with Elliot's stomach flu and puked my guts (and meds) out all day. I guess my body had been doing a good job of holding it at bay, but then I started the pre-transfer prednisone which handicapped my immune system and WHAM. My RE ruled that my body was not ready to go through with the transfer today, and as much as it killed me to hear it, I knew she was right. And with that, 3+ weeks of medications, monitoring and anticipation went out the window. We have to start all over. Icing on the cake? There's a high probability AF will show during the clinic's holiday closure which would mean having to wait another full cycle because they want to scan me on CD2 or 3. There's a chance we'll be into February before we get another shot at a transfer. The original plan was to transfer in October. October. Two days ago, we thought we'd have results by Christmas. Now, we're nowhere. We're not even back at the starting line yet.


I'm planning to argue with them on that early cycle ultrasound. I didn't have one for this cycle and I'm not sure why I would need one for the next cycle. I guess because of the hormone preparation I did? M had the idea to keep doing the PIO for another week to keep AF at bay. I'm still on the fence about this one. I thought it was a great idea, but then I was feeling so sore and achy last night (stomach flu, remember?) that we skipped it. In hindsight I wish we hadn't, but we did, and I kind of feel like my body has kind of been through enough without jerking it on and off progesterone. *sigh* Anyone have thoughts? I'm feeling too defeated by the whole thing to see the right answer in all of this.

trapped under something heavy

I bailed on NaBloPoMo. The only thing stranger (to me) than doing that is the fact that I don't care. I'm usually someone that will move heaven and earth to avoid any type of failure, even the most minor and inconsequential, but I'm not myself right now.

The Thing That Shall Not Be Blogged About is in full swing, and it's taking more out of me than I expected. Other things taking more out of me than expected - both good and bad - include but are not limited to:

- We bought a new (to us) car - yay! It's a 2007 VW Rabbit in great shape with low miles and heated seats. Yes, it has many other luxurious features but none are quite so lovely as the butt-warmers. :-) It will be a bit of a squeeze if we ever need to put two carseats into the back, but we tried it and it works. The fact that it even has a back seat is a huge step up from the tiny pickup M was driving until a week ago. I drive an SUV which is and can remain our primary family car, but this is a much more practical "back up" vehicle, and also M just plain works hard and deserves a better car than the one she had. Mission accomplished.

- My parents were here for an extended visit - yay! Elliot got to stay home from school for almost two full weeks of spoiling. My dad built him a train table for Christmas and he loves, loves, loves it.

- I celebrated a birthday by taking care of a violently ill toddler experiencing his first stomach virus - boo! He projectile-vomited every half hour for four hours straight. I have no idea where the sheer volume came from. Dinner reservations were canceled and towels were gone through two or three at a time. The vomiting started while walking through a shopping mall. I'll spare you the details, but trust me when I say it was the most terrible thing I've seen... ever? Maybe. Anyway, my mom was with us and it was as if time stood still while I had two simultaneous thoughts: The first was "Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod. Mom!! Do something!! Help him!!!" and the second was "Waaaaaaaait a second... FUCK. I'm the mom." There was a pause - only a second or two but it felt like thirty - during which he turned his face toward mine and looked at me with scared, wide eyes and I froze, looking back at him with the exact same expression, I'm sure. And then I figured it out. And then I figured it out again... and again... and again. I've had better birthdays.

- Elliot has decided to discontinue both going to sleep on his own and sleeping through the night - boo! M and I are terribly sleep-deprived. Looks like another round of sleep training is in order. Hate.


- Work is crazy - boo! (Yawn)

So that's the scoop. I'm moody and anxious and emotional and tired and not really blogging, except for skimming my reader between meetings and such. I have been doing my best to keep up to date on everyone (despite how my pitiful lack of commenting makes it seem) but especially on my two bedresting buds who I continue to send good vibes to every single day.

what doesn't bend, breaks

Elliot has stopped sleeping through the night. It's no big deal, he's just done with it. He's also stopped going to bed like a dream and instead prefers to do it like a caged tiger with a thorn in its paw. I'm frazzled and sleep-deprived. Logic would tell you that if he is going to go to sleep late (on accounta the battle), be awake for up to 4 hours during the night, and then get up an hour early (which he's been doing since the time change), I should be back to "sleep when the baby sleeps" mode. But, much like when he was a newborn, I don't want to sleep when the baby sleeps. The more he's requiring of me during his waking hours (including those that fall between 1 and 4am), the more stubbornly I cling to my late-night Me Time of catching up on email and FB or reading a few pages of the latest book I'm forced to read at a snail's pace. The problem is that I'm not making it and I need some early bedtimes of my own. There it is, K. Consider the gauntlet thrown down.

My parents arrive late tonight for Thanksgiving. They'll be in our area for 2 weeks but it's yet to be decided whether they will stay with us the whole time or head out on their own next week. M and I are trying to make sure they get enough time with E who they don't get to see nearly enough of. They're trying to make sure they don't get on our nerves. We're all being very polite and accommodating. We'll see where the negotiations end up. Either way, we've got babysitters to see the new Harry Potter movie sometime in the next week so that's exciting news indeed!

Tonight is the Thanksgiving potluck dinner at E's school. It's always so fun watching him interact with his little buddies. He has two BFFs at school - Henry and Ben. I was such a girlgirlgirl growing up that it still weirds me out sometimes to have an "in" with the boy social circles, even when the boys in question are under 2 years old.

toddler jukebox

I asked M for an idea to blog about and she suggested I do a 5-day Thanksgiving countdown letting you all know what I'm most thankful for, and that I culminate the series with a post about her and how lucky I am to have her in my life.

So anyway, moving on. ;-)

M burned me a CD of E's top tracks and I thought I'd share his playlist with you. I already mentioned he loves the music on this album from M's childhood, so we started with tracks #1, 3, 4*, 5, 7, 8, 10, 13, 16, 18 and 21, then added:
Jerk It Out - Caesars
My Sharona - The Knack (yup, I kept 'em)
Hey, Soul Sister - Train
Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison
Sister Kate - The Ditty Bops
Give a Little Love - Ziggy Marley
The Sign - Ace of Base
Roy G. Biv - TMBG
The Vowel Family - TMBG (I loathe this song, but E adores it.)
I Love a Circus - Dan Crow
Green Grass Grew All Around - Pete Seeger
Be Kind to Your Parents - Pete Seeger
If I Had a Hammer - Pete Seeger (I got on a downloading roll one day...)
Get Up Up Up - Farmer Jason
A Spoonful of Sugar - Julie Andrews

These songs didn't make it onto this CD but will surely be on the next one:
Will the Circle Be Unbroken - Arlo Guthrie & Pete Seeger
Two Mommies - Alistair Moock
Mr. Rock and Roll - Amy MacDonald
Imbuvu the Happiest Hippo - Ed Jordan
Holiday Road - Lindsay Buckingham
Be OK - Ingrid Michaelson
Here Comes the Sun - Beatles
All I Want Is You - Barry Louis Polisar
You are My Sunshine - Elizabeth Mitchell

He used to like Carbon Leaf and early Madonna as a baby but he hasn't listened to any in a while - mental note to get some back into rotation.

What songs/artists do your little ones like? Bonus points for music that won't make me want to take an ice pick to my ear drums. :-)

*This album was originally released in 1969 so there are a couple of songs that get skipped over as they don't quite mesh with our contemporary values. Those exceptions aside, I LOVE this album. The songs are musically diverse, creative and kid-friendly without being dumbed down. I'm really hard-pressed to pick a favorite as it seems to change week to week, but #4 is at the top of my list at the moment and you should check it out. It can be downloaded here or on iTunes, but be sure to get the Bernard Cribbins version. There are a lot of really awful remakes floating about.

whoops

Party ran late last night. Guests didn't leave until well after midnight. NaBloPoMoOhWell.

Feeling tired and grumpy today and going to spare you whatever crankiness I'd fill this space with if I forced myself to write something.

How is Thanksgiving in 5 days?

"moo-sick" and mayhem

E has started demanding his own music in the car. As soon as the engine turns over, the pleas begin, and they ramp up quickly. He used to be content to listen to whatever was on the radio, but that doesn't cut it anymore. He has his own playlist on my iphone, and his preferred songs within that playlist, and he has no difficulty communicating these preferences. I need to burn a CD of his faves so my phone isn't permanently tethered to the car stereo. The fact that he has certain songs he loves and others that he won't listen to more than a few seconds of makes me think he's absorbing more of the music than I have been giving him credit for. I should probably go ahead and take Jerk It Out and My Sharona out of the playlist now before his attachment to them grows any stronger. I've got some time before he starts understanding the words, but I can just see it now: We're at the park with friends and Elliot busts out "Always get it up for the touch of the younger kind..." Yikes. Bummer, those were kind of my bright spots among all the ugly ducklings and green grass growing all around.

It's been a bit of a trying week around here. Elliot seems to be very intent on establishing his independence from us, meaning he wants nothing at all to do with M and he's only minimally tolerant of me. It's great fun. He is also going through what we're thinking is a growth spurt. He's been eating like a horse and his sleep is all out of whack. This came together into a perfect storm the other night when he was awake from 1:00 to 4:30am and wanted to playplayplayplayplayplay. Once he realized he was not going to be let out of bed, all hell broke loose. M went in to console him at one point and he hit her then told her to go away. Um, excuse me? I know it's completely normal for him to go through periods where he feels more or less connected to one of us - there was a long stretch this summer where he was all about M and he could take or leave me - but it's annoying nonetheless, especially when it's accompanied by such atrocious behavior. M is doing a great job of rolling with it; better than I would, I'm sure. She's so cool and well-adjusted like that. :-)

(almost) wordless wednesday

1 month old:

20 months old:

kitchen notes

M and I are hosting a low-key "dessert and drinks" game night this Friday. I'm tied up the next two evenings so I'm anticipating a very late night of preparations on Thursday. My plan isn't entirely thought out. I know I want to make two finger-food type desserts, one should probably be chocolate and one probably not (although if it were up to me I'd make chocolate everything) and I want one of them to be cupcakes with Nutella frosting. I'm still on the fence about whether banana cupcakes are okay for a group. It's what I'd make for myself, but I know banana is an iffy one for people so I'm leaning toward french vanilla to be safe. I tested out a Nutella buttercream recipe tonight and... oh my god.

Make it now. Thank me later.

1/2 c. butter, softened
1 c. Nutella
1/4 c. powdered sugar
up to 2T milk (I used about half)
Mix butter and Nutella until well blended. Add sugar gradually. Beat until fluffy. Add milk to desired consistency.

I'll let you know what I come up with for dessert #2. If you have any to-die-for recipes, feel free to share!