rearview mirror

One morning a couple of weeks ago, I brought E into our bed after he woke up in the morning, and the three of us lounged around in PJs for a little while before starting our day. At some point, I had one of those "how did I get here?" moments. First of all, we have a baby. That in itself is still mind-blowing to me. Second, I have the good fortune of starting and ending my days with M, and that blows my mind some days, too.

M and I met in college. We were members of the same little queer community, just like the one your college had, where everyone had dated everyone else and the social event of the year was the night Me.lissa Fer.rick came through town. I had a crush on M from the moment I saw her, but it was the only kind of crush you can have on someone you don't even know, which is to say it was pretty superficial. She was about as high as you could get on our little social ladder and I... well, wasn't. We were both dating other people (read: madly in L-O-V-E with and living with them because, duh, the relationships were all of like four months old) so the idea of my innocent little crush ever evolving into anything on THIS planet seemed remote, if not downright comical. However, as we got to know one another, I realized that in addition to being a total hottie, she was also a really great person. And the plot began to thicken...

You know how the story ended, so I'll spare you the details of how we got from point A to point B. You can rest assured that it was excessively messy and complicated because isn't it always when you're in college?

I will tell you one story because it's funny, given where we ended up. There was a time when I was trying to decide whether to end my current relationship to pursue one with M and I confided in my mom about my dilemma. I told her that my current girlfriend was everything I wanted in a long-term partner and I could easily see us getting married, having kids together, and living out our days in perfect bliss... but I wasn't sure I was ready for all of that to start just yet. M, on the other hand, was "just fun" and I thought this was why I was so smitten with her. I had decided that the "settle-down" vibes I was feeling in my current relationship were freaking me out and I wanted to spend time with someone with whom I felt none of that pressure. M was the breath of fresh air I needed, and the fact that I thought we were totally incompatible for the long haul only made me more attracted to her at the time. (My insight and assessment skills were simply astounding, no? I was so dumb.)

So here we are, eight and a half years later. I have never been so happy to have been wrong about something, or someone. In the past eight and a half years, we have done a lot of growing up together. We moved across the country together. We planned a wedding. We bought a house. We survived infertility and brought a beautiful little boy into the world. We have supported each other through the highs, the lows, and everything in between. Sometimes when I look at her, I can't believe she's the same person I met almost a decade ago, or that we have built the life we share today. I would never have believed it if someone had given me a crystal ball eight years ago. She was only supposed to be a summer fling. :-)

And just for the record, I still think she's a total hottie.