Friday, November 6, 2009

on sucking it up

After spending all of yesterday on air travel, today I strapped Elliot into an unfamiliar car seat for a 4+ hour drive to stay with people he's never met and sleep in yet another random bed. Aren't I just mother of the year? Ah, the hoops we jump through for family. The truth of the matter is that I'm feeling a little grumpy and put out about this trip myself. It needed to happen, but that doesn't mean I can't complain about it, which brings us to tonights Word, er, I mean blog post:

One of the harder parts of being a parent, in my humble opinion, is never being able to check out of the less enjoyable times. It's days when you've been running around like a mad person and you'd give your right arm to take a nap, but the baby is wide awake and ready to play. This sounds terrible - oh, poor K, she has a baby that wants to play with her. Oh boo f'ing hoo! Don't get me wrong, I don't take that baby for granted for a second. I worked long and hard to get here and I am thankful every minute that he is here and he is mine... But that doesn't mean it's always a barrel of laughs. Sometimes, it's hard, like when you are up with a new baby every two hours around the clock. Totally worth it, but hard.

Today was one of those days. Elliot was righteously pissed when I had the audacity to strap him into his car seat. What I would have liked to have done is said "I'm with you, buddy! This blows, let's throw a temper tantrum and see if we can get out of this altogether." Then I probably would have moped and pouted like a surly teen until I realized it was futile then put in headphones and napped for the rest of the drive. Instead, I talked and sang and made faces and bribed and was basically "on" full-throttle from door to door while Elliot fussed. Not poor me -I'm glad I have him to bring along to family gatherings - but getting us here was just... hard.

The one thing that is neat about those times is that when I'm able to take a step back from the situation, I can see how much I've changed since Elliot came along. I'm more mature than I used to be. Watching myself override my own exhaustion, frustration, or downright misery to care for him makes me feel like a real parent for a brief moment.

Tomorrow we stay where we are, then the next day is the return drive and Monday is the return flight. Lots of feeling like a real parent in my future.


Inlocoparentis said...

Hang in there. :)

Two Moms, Two Monkeys said...

Totally get it! I got sick early on and was on my own with the twins who were happy and full of energy! All I wanted was to melt away, but no there I was playing and dancing like a fool until my wife came home and I crashed! The things we do for our babies. Good luck Mama, hope the trip home goes better!