Monday, February 23, 2009

one down

I have a stack of posts piled up in my head waiting to be put down on paper... er, screen. To that end, I'm making a promise to myself to post every day from now until the baby comes. This will accomplish the killing of two proverbial birds: (1) I'll stop lying in bed at night feeling overwhelmed by the rapidly growing pile of posts I want to make and and (2) I won't keep you all in suspense as our due date approaches. I have cyber-stalked so many friends as they near the ends of their pregnancies, always sure that an extra day or two of silence means a baby has arrived and usually wrong. I'm not promising quality, only quantity, but I will post something to let you all know I'm still here and still huge.

This last bit provides the perfect segueway to two things I wanted to post about...

On being still here: Anyone familiar with the guy that runs the rapture email service? Anyone registered for the rapture email service? I think I am, but I can't remember. So if you don't know what I'm talking about, there's this guy - I heard him on NPR one day a while back - and he provides a very valuable service. In the event you are taken in the rapture, he will notify your friends and family so they will not worry about you. Isn't that thoughtful? He will do this by dispatching an email the morning after the rapture to all of the people you have listed. The email will say something to the effect of "You may have noticed that I am missing. I have been taken in the rapture. I'm in a better place now - please do not worry about me." (I'm unclear as to whether the closing offers any apology to whoever is left behind reading said email.) Here's the catch: This man is confident that he too will be taken in the rapture (of course) so how will the email get sent? Simple. He has his computer set up to automatically send this email every single morning and every single morning that he is still on earth, he has to go in and disable the email before it goes out to however many million recipients it is addressed to. If he fails to do this one morning, an ungodly (pun intended) amount of spam shall be unleashed upon the world. On a post-rapture morning, this will be appropriate and probably the least of our concerns. On a post-hangover morning, this will be outrageously embarassing, annoying, and funny as all hell. Now that is pressure. If that guy can handle a daily cyber task until the second coming, I figure I can commit to one for a couple more weeks.

On being still huge: I'm in the stage where total strangers feel totally at liberty - no, downright compelled - to comment on one or more aspects of my growing belly. It's been going on for a while so I expect it and I only bother M with stories of the most ridiculous of comments. Yesterday in the grocery store, she got to witness one of these interactions for herself. It went something like this:

Checker: When are you due? Today? (Insert self-satisfied chuckle - what an unparalleled sense of humor he has!)
Me: Nope, I've got a couple more weeks to go.
Checker: Are you having quads? (Yup, he went straight there.)
Me: Oh, ha ha (sometimes it helps if you indulge them a bit). No, just one. A big one, I guess.
Checker: Yeah, I guess. I've seen a lot of pregnant girls in here and I've never seen anyone as big as you!
Me: (Tired smile - I mean really, how does one respond to that?)

M later suggested I should have asked when he was due and how many babies he was carrying. Jerk. It's still bizarre to me that people actually offer these comments. Do they think they are the only ones doing so? If they do, they're even stupider than I think. If not, do they really think it makes me feel special to hear how enormous I am 35 times a day? Or, is it just that they think they have something particularly unique or creative or humorous to add to the mix? Like, what comment are they going to make that is so clever that I'm going to stop in my tracks and think, "Wow, you've really enhanced my day. I am so glad to have run into you!" Of note, women with children never say anything to me. They frequently smile (often sympathetically), but that's all. They've been there. They know.

Soooo, promise to self made today; promise to self kept today. I'm one for one! Go me. Tomorrow's post: Why this baby is simply not permitted to arrive prior to March 1st. (Check me out with the tempting of fate...)


veeandjay said...

I've been fortunate enough to have avoided most rude comments about hugeness, mostly because I rarely leave the house! One of our friends however, insists on telling me how puffickly heooge I am every time we see her. And really, you know, I'm not, and even if I were, I don't need to hear it! And she has a kid! Of course, her bump was minute, nothing more than a big pimple, I bet!

Inlocoparentis said...

I think it's funny that you bring up the rapture email service, because I just learned about that too. The only thing that's different is the source of said enlightenment. You = intelligent public radio program (NPR). Me = mindless TV program featuring women in tight sweaters (SVU). But otherwise, we're on the same page.

babypants said...

I am happy to hear that you are going to try to update more often as you get closer to the time. I can't believe how rude people think they can be about pregnant ladies. sheesh. xo L