Friday, February 18, 2011

WTF indeed

First of all, thank you SO much for your kind comments on my last post. It's delicate subject matter and yet everyone was able to hold my hand across any differences of opinion or experience and I really appreciate that. Just one more example of how our community kicks @ss.

So... WTF appointment yesterday. No real surprises there, except that I couldn't stop crying during the meeting. I kind of thought my shit was more together than that. Pretty much everything is on the table. Her recommendation is to go straight to IVF with anonymous donor (AD) sperm but she will support us in any of three main options with a handful of variables:
  • Up to 4 IUIs using AD, with or without clomid and/or monitoring (estimated cost $850 each without monitoring or $1200 with, pregnancy rate 15%). She recommended an HSG first which I vetoed. Not going down that road ever again.
  • IVF with AD, with or without ICSI (estimated cost $12,500 without ICSI or $14,000 with, pregnancy rate 56%). This is where she would recommend we start. She initially said we don't need ICSI since we did it on half our embryos with KD and it made no difference, but when I reminded her we'd likely be using a different donor this time around, she conceded that we might want to consider it as an insurance policy because "weird things happen."
  • IVF with KD, MESA and ICSI (estimated cost $19,000, pregnancy rate 56%). While she agreed to help us if we go this route, it was clear she didn't think it was a good option due to cost, level of invasiveness, and logistics of KD being out of town. She estimated the cost of MESA to be around $5,000 but admitted that was only an educated guess as she is fairly removed from the financial aspects.
I have no idea what to do. My resolve to switch to AD took a serious blow while we were sitting across the table from the RE, preparing to make it all official. Any clarity I thought I had a couple of days ago seems to have evaporated into thin air. I just can't seem to reconcile my grief over the potential change to AD. Is my unease worth paying an extra $5,000 for? It shouldn't be - that I know - but what if I just can't get over this hurdle? Does the idea of spending nearly $20,000 on a high-pressure IVF cycle sound better? Not really. I just want to wake up and find out this is all a bad dream, but I know that isn't going to happen.


anofferingoflove said...

oh hon...such hard decisions you are facing. sending you love and strength as you navigate ahead ((()))

N said...

Hard decisions, indeed. Much love to you. Do you think it would help or hurt if you DID broach the topic with KD, and know that if he said no, that option would be off the table entirely?

Inlocoparentis said...

This is so tough. I really wish you didn't have to deal with this.

Michelle said...

Such hard hard decisions. My husband had the TESE surgery which is very similar to the MESA, and it was $5000.
Now, I'm glad we did this, as they found sperm, after the sample was frozen for 8 months.
We did the TESE first, and then the IVF months later after saving money.
Good luck !

Pomegranate said...

I'm so sorry this is happening. I wish you luck figuring out what will work best for you and your family.

Trinity said...

My experience with waffling over major life decisions is that the constant rumination is the worst part. That ongoing uncertainty/waffling is, like, one of the circles of hell I think. To say it's hard doesn't even begin to touch what you're trying to manage right now. Sometimes the relief comes in just settling on an option, regardless of the level of your heart's investment in it. Just the act of making the decision gives you a rudder, and then next thing you know, you're [no pun intended] balls deep and not looking back. You'll get there, K. And whatever you ultimately decide will be what's right for your family. I have faith in that.