Thursday, February 10, 2011

better today...

... for many reasons, I suspect. Here are a few:
  • I'm spotting. AF is the last thing I need to physically close the door on this experience and she appears to be scratching at the door.
  • Getting all of that stuff I have been blogging about lately (especially yesterday) OUT into the open took a big weight off my shoulders.
  • Lots of pep talks to myself about perspective and, sadly, lots of suffering in the world around me to remind me how relatively lucky I am.
  • All the supportive comments that have been left on this blog in the last week and a half. I know this blog has been a complete drag to read and it's tough to keep commenting when there's nothing good to say anyway, but your patience and virtual hand-holding (even as I've been totally MIA on your blogs) has really meant a lot to me.
  • Putting down the smart phone. I know this sounds like a weird one, but I have intentionally "unplugged" from my this week and I actually think it has made a difference. It's something I've been wanting to test out for a while and was forced into it this week by a desperate need to turn down the noise in my head. More on this soon, in a totally non-chemical-pregnancy-related post. (Yes, I do intend to talk about something else one day. I promise.)
  • M and I joined forces last night to solve an external problem totally unrelated to TTC. While we are certainly not opponents in this latest round of TTC drama, we're not exactly on the same page with it either and that has been a challenge for me to navigate. It was refreshing to unite against a shared "enemy" and remember what it feels like to be unequivocally on the same team.
  • A little bit of plain ol' time.
  • There is actual, non-metaphorical sunlight breaking through the clouds today. I am reminded that time will continue to pass, that spring will eventually come, and with it, new chapters of our story will present themselves.


Joy MacTavish said...

Glad things are a bit better. ((hugs))

tireegal68 said...

Dear K, I'm sorry I haven't commented on your loss of the pregnancy. I have been thinking about you and your sweet family a lot. I never knew what this whole wish for a full sibling was all about until we had Isobel. While sometimes it feels that her conception and the combination of two donors was made up and random, knowing her makes me realize that there is nothing random about her at all. She is so precious and unique that I would love love love to meet her sibling!!!
All this to say I am frustrated for you and have some inclination of the desire for Elliot's brother or sister to be exactly that.
I wonder why KD would write that on his blog and why he would have a vasectomy without asking you first?
Glad you are feeling a little more blue sky . ((( hugs )))

Crazy Lesbian Mom said...

Hang onto that ray of sun <3

veeandjay said...

Glad the sun is peeking through a little for you.

jessie said...

<3 Perspective is so damn hard.

anofferingoflove said...

it's good to read a little sunlight is poking through the clouds - both the metaphorical and the non-metaphorical kinds.

ive found putting down the technology for a day or two can work wonders too. it really does add to the mental noise.


erathora said...

Big hugs and warm thoughts go out to you and M. I know you will navigate these next steps on the path together. Wish we had warmth to send your way!

loveandchaosreign said...

I am sending you love and light as you work through these incredibly difficult and unpredictable emotions. No matter what anyone says, it hurts, it's hard, and it plain just sucks. Finding yourself on the same page as your partner, on any issue (TTC or otherwise) is always good. I hope that continues to give you strength.

Much love.

Inlocoparentis said...

Have been thinking about you a lot, friend - glad things are a little better.

Pomegranate said...

I have been off my blogging/commenting game, but I'm so glad to hear the non-metaphorical sunshine is breaking through. For me, the sun always does worlds of metaphorical good.