Wednesday, July 16, 2008

preparing to receive the torch

First, a word of caution: This is exactly the type of blog entry that was the most gut-wrenching for me to read when I was ttc. So for those of you who are still waiting for your overdue BFPs to arrive, I invite you to skip this post if you're feeling fragile today, or even if you aren't. I understand. I remember those feelings so well, and I'm sending lots of hugs and hopes your way.

On Monday, we were riding high on the wake of our great beta number so we went out to dinner to celebrate. We started talking about things we'd been too nervous to discuss during the preceeding week: choosing a name, setting up the nursery, and what to do about early baby visitors. We are unlucky enough to live more than halfway across the country from our parents, siblings and other family members, so there will be no "dropping in for the afternoon" after the baby is born. We will either have Visitors or No Visitors. We've heard of people instituting a no-visitor policy for the first week, which I feel like I could get behind if our parents could be at the hospital when the baby is born, then disappear for a few days until we summon them again, but it's not as easy to implement when coming and going requires an expensive full day of air travel. Also, I really want at least my mom there for the delivery, and I would feel really crappy depriving any of our parents of that less-than-a-day-old baby magic (remember, first grandchild on both sides) so just having them wait and come out a week after the birth isn't going to work for us. What makes this decision even harder is that, as first-timers, we have no clue how we are going to feel or what we are going to need. Are we going to want hour upon hour of sacred space for our new family of three to get to know each other and bond? Are we going to be dirty and starved and desperate for anyone to hold our screaming, writhing bundle so we can eat and take a shower? Are our parents going to feel valuable and supportive or intrusive and underfoot? Hard to say.

Anyway, as always, M came up with the perfect solution, and this is the part that I wanted to write about when I started this post. Of course this may change a hundred times between now and March, but it feels really good for right now. All the parents can come out at the first signs of labor, but they have to get hotel rooms for the duration of their visit so that we can send them away if we need some space. The tentative plan will be for my mom to stay with us for the first few nights, but since she and my dad will have a hotel room nearby, we can play that part by ear. I am a confessed crier - happy, sad, you name it - but I really haven't cried since getting our BFP. I'm sure I'm saving it all up for the first ultrasound or something. But when M was talking about why she thought my mom should stay with us, I found myself getting all teary-eyed at the restaurant table. She said that to her it feels "organic" for my mom to be by my side and to get me through those first few days of motherhood, like that is "how things should be done." She said it goes back to it taking a village and it just feels so important to her for me to have my mom there, teaching me to be a mother, as women have done for one another forever. Listening to her talk, I realized what a powerful image that was, and it kind of made everything that is to come for us hit home. In eight short months, my mother and I will be hovering over a screaming infant and she will be teaching me how to soothe and calm and nurture, as she has always done for me. The idea of it floods me with emotion, even now.

As far as everything else, we've been pretty much on top of the world since Monday's beta result, nausea, exhaustion and frequent urination notwithstanding. No, you know what? Those are pretty freaking cool too. I love each and every symptom, no matter how crappy they make me feel, because they remind me that things are on track and this is actually happening. My weirdest symptom? I wake up EVERY NIGHT at 3am, give or take 10 minutes. You could practically set a clock by it. It makes no difference what time I go to sleep the night before. Sometimes I have to pee, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'm overheated, sometimes I'm not. Sometimes the cat is sleeping on my head, sometimes he isn't. There doesn't seem to be any consistent cause. Usually I have no trouble going back to sleep. Last night I was up until 4:45am before I managed to doze off again. So weird. And I love it.


bleu said...

I am really happy for youK, on all fronts, that you have this wonderful family and wife and all of it. I think it is a great plan as well.

Much love.

Heather said...

ah..parents.. Love em', hate em', but you can't live with out em'!! I think that it would be a great idea for everyone to get a room in a near by hotel that way you can shew them off if need be. You too need your space! little day gatherings with a newborn I'm sure can bring on stress, exspecailly if people of "their way" of doing things which they think is right, and they feel the need to tell you how they would do it, or that your doing it wrong. (only mom has the right to do that!) that is when they get shewed to the hotel room! lol

Here is too a happy and healthy, full of symptoms pregnancy for you!!

Travelher and Pufferfish said...

I loved reading this post and hearing how you were really embracing all of your pregnancy symptoms. That's the spirit!

Oh, the parent situation. It's one we have thought about ourselves (and we're not even pregnant--YET) b/c my mom lives about 2000 miles away. I want her to be there, but we'll see what really happens.
You've got plenty of time to make the right decision.

mulberry said...

loved hearing about all the details, the logistics and the excitement. and i love what M said about your mom and what it means to *M* that you have the opportunity to share those early mommy moments with your mother. it made me teary when dakota and i were looking for an apartment (before we even started ttc) and she stopped in the middle of the room and said, this one won't work. there is not room here for your mom to stay when you are ready to have a baby. blew me away... it was clear that it was important to *her* that i have this, knowing i want it when the time comes... course my dad is gonna wanna be there too. (all horse before the cart as we are not pregnant ;) and, i have to say, i love that you are enjoying your 3am moments. way to embrace your life in its unfolding glory.