There is a rather exciting job opportunity in the system I work in. It's a significant vertical move, both in annual salary (the cost of our IVF cycle, incidentally) and in job classification. Having been at my current job for 3 years, I could easily take it without being accused of job-hopping, and frankly, it's such a signficant promotion, I'm pretty sure it would be considered justified even if I'd started at my current job a week ago.
There is no guarantee I would get the job. I don't know who else is even thinking about it - maybe some good candidates. However, several people with influence asked me specifically to consider it, so that seems like a promising sign. I at least have a good enough chance that I have to take my decision to apply seriously. It's not a "eh, I'll just throw my hat in and see what happens" situation.
Here's my concern: I'm pretty sure they're looking to fill the position quickly, as in, definitely before I know the outcome of our IVF cycle and probably before we even have the retrieval and transfer, but probably NOT before I would need to start medications.
The pros as I see them:
- GIANT leap in terms of job status
- influence on a system I care about
- excellent resume builder
- a TON more money
The cons as I see them:
- how irresponsible would I look if I had to announce a pregnancy two months into a new job?
- what if I have a difficult pregnancy and am sick during some or all of my probationary period?
- what if I have a very difficult pregnancy and have to spend the whole thing on bedrest?
- the only surefire way to avoid those last three points is a con itself - postponing IVF until... who knows when?
What the F am I supposed to do?
In the 18 months we have been trying to get pregnant, I have turned down two other opportunities for major promotions because I was so sure I'd get pregnant right away and look like a jerk. In hindsight, I wished I'd made a different choice and I made a pact with myself I wouldn't let a similar opportunity pass me by again. No point keeping my life on hold for something I can't control or predict. So now here I am, and based upon past promises to myself, I should pursue this opportunity without regard to anything that may or may not be happening in my reproductive life. That said, this is IVF. I feel like an idiot for saying this, but what if I get pregnant? I mean, I've used that excuse before but this time it could actually happen. No really! You know? I would NOT forgo this opportunity if we were going in for IUI #11, but we're not. We're paying a boatload of money and enduring an exceptionally advanced procedure based on the relatively high likelihood that it will be successful. It's seems a little messed up of me not to give the possibility this will work at least as much credence as I gave our past attempts in regards to making future decisions. I mean, it's just one more try, really. If it doesn't work, we're taking a break and I'm free to take any and all promotions that come my way. The thing is, they won't. I work in a system that is notorious for having few internal promotion opportunities. People get supervisory jobs and then sit in them foreeeever. To move up, I'd have to move out (the last two job openings I passed up were external) and I love what I do. This is a really unique opportunity. Fuck.
I think the worst case scenario is that I take the job, wind up pregnant (possibly with twins or more!), and have the pregnancy from hell. I won't qualify for FMLA because I'll be a new hire. I don't know what their short and long-term disability coverage is like and whether I'll even qualify for it yet. We could really get screwed. At my current job, I am not on new-hire probation, I have accrued sick and vacation leave, I'm enrolled in short and long-term disability programs, and I have 3 years of strong performance to encourage them to accomodate whatever I may need. That is definitely a better position to be in going into what has a minor but real chance of developing into a medical problem where I need leave and flexibility.
But this is a really, really good job opportunity. So do we postpone IVF so I can pursue it? Is that seriously an option I'm even willing to type? M is as ambivalent about it as I am, but we both have strong emotional responses to the idea of postponing IVF. But are we cheating ourselves if we put too much weight on that? Are we letting our resistance to waiting push us into a poor long-term decision? IVF is the culmination of something that has consumed our every thought, minute, and dollar for the last 18 months. It's all been building to this. It's not just some small thing we decided to do.
Here's my question, for those that want to give input: How bad is it to get pregnant at the same time as you're starting a new job? I mean, clearly it's not ideal, but is it a major offense or just one of those "probably better not to if you can avoid it" kinda things? We hired someone a couple of years ago that got pregnant pretty much the weekend after she signed her employment papers and while I thought it was an extremely irresponsible move, the rest of my office (including my boss) didn't seem to think anything of it. So, am I just being prudish about this? I kind of feel like, if it came to it, I could tell my future boss (who I already know well and have great rapport with) that we tried for a year and a half with no success and I genuinely didn't think it would be an issue. Once she finds out we did IVF that compromises my story a bit, but I could tell her our cycle was already past the point of no return when the job became available. Yeah, I know. That's a lie. It's not a big lie, though, and hardly a lie at all if you count emotional momentum, and we did already pay for it.
What to do? What to do? What to do? I worked myself into a fit over this dilemma tonight. I tried to watch tv to quiet my thoughts but I felt queasy and couldn't relax at all. I really don't want to put IVF off, but I also feel like I'll regret it if I don't pursue this opportunity, especially if our IVF is unsuccessful. I'm pretty sure the BFN will hit me hard enough on it's own without piling some "AND you missed out on a once-in-a-blue-moon professional opportunity!" on top.
I'm just gonna keep hoping for clarity. Something will rise to the surface soon, right?