Monday, April 21, 2008

jitter. bounce. fidget.

I have an acute lack of focus.

AF is due today. At least, I think she is. I didn't track my ovulation this month so it's possible it was later than usual. I'm antsy and distracted and watching the minutes tick by until I can do... I don't know what exactly, but it's gonna start by getting out of this desk chair.

I talked to the pharmacy this morning. I'm having 4 of my scripts transferred to a local pharmacy for pick-up this evening (PIO, Prenatals, Doxycycline, and Medrol) and the rest will be shipped around May 7th. That gives me some time to explore the possibility of getting some injectibles for free from my doctor. Cross your fingers, please!

In the meantime, I just keep looking at the calendar and counting days and I realize this is making me feel crazy but stopping makes me feel even crazier. I spent some time checking out this summer's concert line-up and that provided a good 5 minutes of distraction. However, researching concerts prompts me to think about dates and thinking about dates prompts me to look at my calendar and looking at my calendar draws my attention to a colorful sea of projected IVF checkpoints and that, my friends, is what we call "back to square one."

I just keep reminding myself that in less than 2 months, our life's course will be significantly more concrete than it is now, and in 3 months, it'll be even more so. My job right now is to chill out.

There are plenty of house projects to be done. I need to put a second coat of paint on our kitchen walls sometime this week. The first coat was applied... never mind, it's too embarassing to share. We have new threshholds to be installed and house plants to be re-potted. I also have an art project in mind for the dining room. Hopefully I can focus on these things for a while instead of... darn it - square one again.

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