M and I had an interesting conversation this weekend. It started by me making her promise that she would never hold that which I was about to disclose against me: Not now, not at 3am on a random Tuesday a year from now... not ever. She promised. I confessed that as we go through all of this build up to IVF, I've kinda-sorta evolved a bit in my general feeling toward having twins. At one point, I was terrified beyond belief at the possibility of more than one baby - recall the triplet boys on Christmas Day story. Lately, I've moved more toward a position of neutrality and - dare I admit it - hope(?) that we will get pregnant with twins. The bottom line is that we're working so freaking hard for this and spending so darn much money. It would just be really nice to get a two-fer. After my hesitant confession, M admitted that she too is sort-of kind-of a little bit hoping for twins herself, for similar reasons.
Don't get me wrong. I'll still be scared out of my mind if the occupancy of my uterus ever surges to 2 (and let's not even TALK about anything beyond that), but there is a silver lining in there that I'll be grateful for. I really don't want to have an only child (no offense to any only children out there), but the thought of going through all of this again makes my head spin a bit. It would be really nice to have that pressure removed, because then we can still go through ttc again if we decide we want to, but not because we feel we have to.
Now I just have to apologize to my friend L who has been pulling for twins all along and I've been snapping at her to bite her tongue every time she says it unless she's planning to be over for night-duty at least 3 times a week. Similar apologies go out to my dear friend inlocoparentis who I've been secretly hexing ever since she expressed her desire for us to squeeze two peas into the pod. ;-)