What a bizarre 24 hours it has been. I made the phone call - certainly one of the strangest experiences of my life. I've never lied so blatantly, or with such high stakes. It seems this whole ttc process is one of constantly rediscovering the lengths one will go to.
It turns out that having the quarantine lifted requires three steps:
1) I call and lie.
2) KD calls and adds his own side of the lie. (talk about going "above and beyond")
3) Our NP writes a letter to verify said lie(s).
Steps 1 and 2 are done, and I have a message in to the NP to call me ASAP when she returns to work on Monday morning. I feel confident that she will agree to write the letter we need, especially since her office manager violated my legal rights by disclosing some of the details that he did. If everything continues to click along, we should have no trouble getting the samples here in time for next week's festivities. I can not count the times I have sighed with relief today that we left ourselves a buffer, timing-wise. Having a few extra days of wiggle room in this "waiting to ship" phase will be the thing that saves us for this cycle. That, and a whole lot of very well intentioned dishonesty.
Baby-to-be, you are so very loved.