ouch

My co-worker announced her pregnancy at lunch today. I've been waiting for this day since I found out she was pregnant and it was both easier and harder than I expected. I found that I was so nervous for her that I was oblivious to my own feelings during her announcement, and the ensuing celebration was fun because I really am so excited for her. But for some reason, or many reasons, I feel really down now. I guess it's just painfully obvious - to me, at least - that I've officially been left behind on my own. I'm just sad that we're so far behind where I wanted to be. There was a point where I thought I'd be holding a baby by now, and instead, I'm not even pregnant.

I think another part of my frustration is that the "mom's club" (aka the two women who had babies in February that get on my nerves to no end) could not have been less receptive to my co-worker's announcement. They didn't smile. They didn't say congratulations, or anything in that vein. They looked at each other and frowned at the table. Literally. It's like they can't share even a shred of the baby limelight, even though their babies are six months old! The celebrity status they claimed during pregnancy and during their first couple of months back was bad enough - now they're going to take away from someone else's joy? Give me a break. My co-worker totally noticed it as well and said something to me about it afterward. It just made me so sad for her.

One of our other co-workers who was not here at lunch just came in and we made her call the pregnant co-worker for the news. She was so genuinely excited and enthusiastic and congratulatory - it was an interesting juxtaposition to the less-than-friendly response the mom's club gave.

At lunch, everyone was making a big joke of starting a pool to predict who would be next to be pregnant. I guess that's what I get for working on a team of 12 women of "reproductive age" (oh how I hate that phrase). Predictions were flying right and left and I'm not sure if anyone guessed me, but I doubt it. I tried to tune the whole thing out. I'm so tired right now and so ready to stop being the big infertile loser around here. I just really, really, really want this next try to work.