Monday, August 8, 2011

Beatle Breakdown

I just heard back from Xy.tex. The Beatle still hasn’t come in for his blood work. Once he does, it will take three weeks to get the results back, at which point they will begin calling his pending list. We’re number 6, so… yeah. She didn’t say how many vials they have in quarantine but I’m guessing sixth place isn’t going to make the cut. Even if they had enough vials to get to us on the list (assuming several people ahead of us pass or only purchase a couple), we’re still probably out of the running based upon timing. He’d have to have a blood draw in the next 72 hours to have any chance of his samples reaching the clinic by their deadline.

I feel completely crushed under the weight of this news. I really thought I’d be okay with needing to use a different donor – not thrilled, of course – but not destroyed either. I was so wrong. It’s the powerlessness thing again. I GET that I am not in control of anything when it comes to conception, pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding... Really, I do. Is it so necessary to keep reminding me of it at every single goddamn turn?

I’m trying to keep perspective and remember that someday, this will all feel like exactly what needed to happen, but I’m also feeling pretty fucking angry at whatever powers don’t see fit to cut us a break on this one.

6 comments:

Inlocoparentis said...

That f*cking sucks.

Dreams and False Alarms said...

I so feel you. I was crushed at the loss of our first donor, and now can't imagine a world without these particular boys BUT when I was grieving her, it was so painful.
Have you looked at Pacific Reproductive Services in San Francisco? I really really liked their donor pool.

jessie said...

Fuck. I'm so sorry.

Pomegranate said...

I'm so sorry.

anofferingoflove said...

i cant think of anything to say except "fuck." i'm so sorry, k.

J and DZ said...

I'm so sorry I caused your panic with my last comment but I think knowing is better. For us, we used 4 donors due to supply issues. Ultimately we joke that Sadie's donor was the "free profile dude" because we had just lost yet another donor and had to find a new guy ASAP. We decided to switch banks and his cute little picture was what popped up on the Xy.tex homepage. Our decision to go with him was really impulsive but I wouldn't want it any other way now! I guess what I'm saying is that we researched, fell in love, lost numbers 1-3, and won with a donor we hadn't invested much in. It's the end result that matters and our daughter is PERFECT.