I’ve been back at work for two and a half days and so far, Elliot and I are both adjusting pretty well. His daycare is small and he’s the only teeny-tiny one there right now so he’s quite the celebrity. Other than him, there is one 6 month old and the rest are 9+ months old. The first day was no big deal. I had a pit in my stomach on the drive but once I got there, I relaxed a lot. It’s a great place and I know they’ll take good care of him. Coming to work was actually fun: Wearing real clothes! Having adult conversations! Showing off baby pictures!
That was Monday. Yesterday was a different story.
On day two, it hit me that Monday was the first day of our new routine, not just a fun little diversion to brought variety to our lives. From here on out, I will pack us up each morning and drop him off on my way to a less meaningful job where I am underpaid but make just enough to pay someone else even less to raise my child while I’m looking the other direction. (I should note that most days, I am pretty pro-daycare. I think it can be good for kids, good for parents, good for the world, etc. I just wasn’t feeling it right then.) I held it together until I talked to M on the phone, but no longer than that. I moped around my office until noon when a beautiful bouquet of flowers arrived on my desk, sent by M in an effort to turn my day around. They had the sweetest card attached that successfully brightened my mood, and also reduced me (and two co-workers) to tears.
Today I’m feeling pretty good. The pendulum seems to have come to rest in the middle. I’m still not happy about having to spend so much time away from him but I’m trying to focus on other things, like how nice it is to have health insurance. There are several upsides, really. Working outside the home is good for my self-esteem (not to mention my personal hygiene) and Elliot will be getting so much more stimulation and socialization during the day. Maybe someday our situation will be different, but for now, we’re all where we have to be. I’m grateful that we found a daycare we love. This would be impossible if I didn’t feel good about where he was spending his days.