This is going to be quick and stream-of-consciousness because I do not expect the kiddo to continue napping for long and I've got a thousand more productive things I should be doing right now, but I can't pass up the opportunity to comment on our first Father's Day as parents.
The other day, a co-worker who knows the identity of our donor asked me several questions about how he has responded to Elliot. In each question, she referred to KD as Elliot's "biological father." My answer was that he interacted with Elliot exactly as any other uncle should toward a nephew because that is what they are to each other. My answer satisfied her, but her questions totally weirded me out. This is because I never think of KD as Elliot's father in any way. I almost never even think of him as Elliot's donor. I did not know this was how it would be, but it is. Today, his involvement with our family is so peripheral, I completely forget the special connection exists unless someone calls my attention to it.
Because of all of these feelings, or more precisely, the absence of feelings, I want to extend a special gratitude to KD today. I can't actually do this because it would be inappropriate and freak him out, so I'm casting it out into the blogosphere. I want to thank him for the priviledge he has provided us of forgetting the part he played in Elliot's conception. I believe what he did for us may be as close to an ultimate sacrifice as anyone will ever make for me and my family. On this day of celebrating fathers, I want to thank him for giving up any claim to that role so that M and I can enjoy our son and the way he resembles both of us, without conscious awareness of the biological impossibility we represent. This Father's Day means very little to us, and that is because we do not have to physically or emotionally share Elliot with a father. Not all men would be able to give such an amazing gift and then entrust its future to us so completely but he has, and our family is what it is because of him.
So, Happy Non-Father's Day, KD, and thank you from the bottom of my heart.