Monday, March 3, 2008

ahh, child-free living

Disclaimer: I am forcing myself to write this entry. It was bubbling up all weekend but I never took the time to put pen to paper. Er... fingers to keyboard, that is. I am SO not feeling this post right now, but it deserves a spot in this blog and I'm the only one that's gonna put it there, so here we go.

I had one of those weekends where I took very little for granted. On Saturday morning, I had to go to a special event for work. I usually only work Monday through Friday, yet I did not have to arrange for childcare. I took a long, hot shower and took my time getting dressed and out the door. No diaper bags to pack; no favorite stuffed animal to forget and run back in for. I went to Starbucks and decided to go in because the drive-through line was long, and I peacefully surveyed the community bulletin board while waiting for my order. No small person tugging on my sleeve, eating something off the floor, or demanding some forbidden treat at full volume. Then I drove downtown, listening to NPR rather than Baby Einstein, enjoying the peace and quiet of the city before the rest of the world was awake.

The rest of the weekend followed a similar pattern. M and I made an impromptu decision to seek out some peace and quiet in the form of a hike so we threw the dog in the car and went. We didn't pack snacks or water or baby carriers or anything. That night, we ate haphazard and non-nutritious meals at staggered times and fell asleep early. Really early. On the floor and in street clothes. Yesterday I spent the better part of the day in my pajamas, reading a book between trips downstairs to change loads of laundry. It would have bored anyone under the age of 12 (or perhaps 25?) to tears. Last night we went out to dinner and then to a casino, and we didn't give a second thought to when we would get home or how much we owed a babysitter.

Now, the reality (that probably goes without saying) is that I would rather have a baby in my arms than any of the above, but that's not to say the above wasn't pretty darn nice too. And I know I will miss it desperately when I'm a new mom, struggling to keep up with my triplet boys. ;-) I feel like this process makes it all too easy for me to focus on what I feel is missing in my life - this person we're working so hard to bring into existence - but does little to remind me how good I have it now. I have the luxury of relatively carefree day-to-day functioning, and I know there are parts of my life that are as enviable to those with children as parts of their life are to me. Behold the dilemma of the greener grass!

2 comments:

Mrs. Bluemont said...

K, I'm so proud of you for putting this post out there. I needed it, as I'm sure others do too. It's good to see things from all perspectives and gives you a fuller experience. You are inspiring love. ox

veeandjay said...

Indeed. I totally get you, K. Lie-ins and stuff so often seem like some kind of extended holiday, if that makes sense?!