Wednesday, November 29, 2006

I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant. I haven't tested yet or anything, I'm just not feeling it. I'm worried about our timing and the amount of stress I've had the past couple of weeks. My temps were all over the place the week I ovulated, which is probably due to travel, time changes, and my sinus infection, but it is still making me have no confidence in my ovulation whatsoever. Here are the stats, for those who enjoy those type of details: According to my OPKs and monitor, I ovulated on 11/20 or 21, probably the 21st. According to the O pain I think I felt, I ovulated on the afternoon of 11/21, but I had lots of twinges over the next couple of days, so it's hard to rely on this much. According to my temps, I didn't ovulate until 11/23, but I already mentioned the validity problems there. Our last insem was 11/20 and the last insem I have confidence in (it's TMI - you do not want to know) was on 11/19.

Initially I thought I wouldn't test at all this cycle because I'm feeling so doubtful and I didn't want to see the negative test(s). Now that these two weeks are dragging along so slowly, I'm thinking that I will test because I'm ready for some kind of closure. Each day that I don't have a final answer is one more day I can be seduced by the "well, maybe..." and "it's not over until it's over" thoughts. It's taking a lot of effort on my part to maintain my pessimism! ;-) Granted, a negative test isn't 100%, but if I wait long enough to take it, it'll be reliable enough for me to move on mentally, I think. I dunno. We'll see what M and I feel like I doing one day at a time, I guess.

In the meantime, a thesis I have been working on...

Why K is/is not pregnant, according to the influential legal tenets of Mr. Murphy:

IS pregnant
- August in our part of the world is a very bad time/place to be 40 weeks pregnant.
- I have gained 10 lbs. since our wedding (~8 since Labor Day weekend - yeowch!) and it would be good to get back down to a more reasonable weight before I start adding baby and/or food craving pounds.
- I have a gut feeling that this cycle didn't work.
- I've been pretty lax about the PG rules (i.e. no wine, soft cheeses, etc.) - nothing over the top, but still more than I did in my last 2ww.
- I'm feeling generally disorganized and stressed out. It would be nice to have the opportunity to catch my breath and re-center myself.
- It would be a major hardship for my mom to come out for a delivery during the first two weeks of August (due date would be around 8/14).
- More time to build up savings is good. 'Nuff said. Ditto for paid leave at work.
- It would be pretty amazing if this cycle resulted in a pregnancy after the defective monitors, unclear O date, iffy insem, etc.
- Work is a zoo right now. Stress = bad.
- I have had nothing resembling a symptom at all, not even psychosomatic ones. Yes, it's super early, but still.

IS NOT pregnant
- It would be really, really, really cool to be able to announce a pregnancy to our parents at Christmas.
- The next 3 months look horrendous as far as business meeting opportunities. We'll be lucky if we can squeeze any in at all.
- This is the last cycle we could start a pregnancy that would likely deliver before M has to go back to school/internship in the fall.
- I don't want a fall baby. Aside from our own b-days, M and I already have about a thousand friends and relatives with b-days between 10/12 and 12/24. (This one might not count b/c M DOES want a fall baby, so I think we cancel each other out.)
- It would make my day to toss out the early AM temping and kiss my fertility monitor goodbye.

So, based on a preliminary analysis, the "IS pregnant" side has it. Interesting! In phase 2 of my study, I will attempt to weight the importance of the different variables. I have a feeling that may shift things significantly...

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