Friday, October 23, 2009

island hopping

I’ve been participating in Blogger Bingo all week (which is good times, by the way, and you should totally participate in the next round) and this has led me to many blogs I would not otherwise have clicked on. The women who write them are dramatically different than me in so many ways. Even on the one thing we all have in common – our experiences with infertility and/or loss – our stories come from every far-flung corner of the map. Beyond that, the differences only become more pronounced. Most of the blogs on the list are written by heterosexual women – no surprise there – and I’ve learned quite a bit about male factor infertility this week. :-) Many of the blogs are written by people who list their religious affiliation (usually Chris.tian or Cath.olic) within the first dozen words of their “about me” section. I’ll admit that when these blogs open on my monitor, I feel a pinch of… something. I don’t know what, really. Resistance? Discomfort? Ultimately, it’s a form of paranoia because the thought that accompanies the feeling is “I bet these people hate me.”

Slight tangent: My travels have made me realize what a tiny, sheltered corner of the infertility blogosphere I hang out in. I’ve been at this infertility blogging thing for years and I thought I pretty much knew my way around. It turns out, I’ve merely been traipsing (pirouetting? pride marching?) around my own little rainbow-colored island, and as it turns out, I'm on a tiny island in comparison to the rest of the chain. I knew it was out there, I guess I just didn't realize how vast it actually was. Perhaps the rest of you rainbow island bloggers are already hip to this scene.

So back to the religious bloggers I mentioned: I’ll admit to having a twinge-y “Wow, this person is SO different from me!” reaction as I survey their blogs, but beyond that, I really don’t have a hard-wired feeling toward them either way. I feel empathy for their TTC journeys and I respect the love they have for their families. I’m fairly sure we’d mutually decide not to be BFFs if we knew each other in real life, but my judgment of them stops there. HOWEVER, I don’t subscribe to a philosophical framework that says they are immoral, evil or otherwise objectionable, and I know that some of them do, about me. I also know that they have been clicking on my blog this week too, and I wonder what their reaction is when they arrive here. I know what I hope. I hope that they will read my words, as I have theirs, and realize that maybe we’re not that different when it really comes down to the things that matter. I hope they’ll see pictures of my happy, healthy son and understand how fiercely I love him and think for just a second that maybe lesbians can also be good parents. And if all of that is too much to hope for, then I guess I hope they leave my blog as quickly as they came and keep their sentiments to themselves, because this is my island, and I was respectful on my visit to theirs. So far, so good, but I do wonder what they think.

I have another post brewing about my participation in Blogger Bingo thus far, but it’s really different and I don’t want to take this post in that direction, so I’ll save it for another day.


tireegal68 said...

What a great post! I have had many of the same thoughts as I have ventured out into other non rainbow colored parts of the if world. I think your post should kirstyd! Do you mind if I nominate you?

anofferingoflove said...

this is such a thoughtful post, ive often had the same sorts of concerns (though not as coherently articulated) when ive wandered outside of our corner.

ill be looking for post #2 re: your additional thoughts on blogger bingo...

Trinity said...

Thanks for your comment on my blog! I'm glad that Blogger Bingo led you to my blog...because indirectly it led me to yours! :)

I know that the undertones of some blogs give me a "pinch" as well, but, like you, I try to look at the things that unify us. Hard as that may be at times...

I also know that lesbians make darn great moms; we are godparents to the cutest, chubbiest baby boy whose mamas are our very dear friends. They are the reason we have a bumper sticker that reads in a rainbow font "Value All Families". (They conceived with donor sperm and IUI...and I have never talked about sperm so much in my life as when they were TTC, hehehe.)

So, yep, when I see your blog I do see a parent who fiercely loves her son, whose family is ultimately no different than anyone else's and deserves the same amount of respect and reverence as the next... :)

Happy ICLW! (and happy Blogger Bingo, too!)

1invermillion said...

Oh, you're much more open-minded than I am. I usually don't give a second thought to not reading blogs with any sort of religious undertones (although that goes for rainbow blogs, too).

Good for you for partaking in blogger bingo and for feeling even less alone.

Your last post was very sweet btw.

- Strawberry

Lavender Luz said...

You've been Kirtsy'ed, and I'm here as a result.

I know what you mean about travelling off my own island. i am continually surprised by how VAST the IF blogworld is. Anytime I think I've seen every permutation, I find another.

Nice to "meet" you.

Alexicographer said...

Here from LFCA. Beautiful post. Not only has my journey through infertility treatments led to the birth of my son, but I hope too it may have value if/when one of my family members decides to ttc ... as she is lesbian that is likely to involve some sort of ART. Obviously what she shares will be her decision but certainly I hope what I have learned may be of some value to her as well.

Then, too ... though I tend to be attracted to read people who are "like me," the IF blogosphere has nonetheless helped me understand experiences I have not had, and just generally exposed me to a wealth of perspectives I otherwise might never have encountered (or not seen so eloquently expressed).

And now and then I stumble across a situation where I remind myself that pro-choice (which I am) means pro-choice, and try to reach out to someone who's made a choice different from that I think I would have made faced with what she is facing. So I hope that now and then I broaden my own world in ways that are useful to people other than just, well, me.

areyoukiddingme said...

I always hope that the Christians/Catholics out there subscribe to the "Judge not, lest ye be judged" viewpoint. I was raised Catholic, and I also get that twinge when I click on those religious bloggers.

You've inspired me to expand my horizons some more, but how am I supposed to fit all this into my day?

Here from LFCA...

Delenn said...

You are always welcome to my end of the blog-o-sphere. I am a bit of an outsider myself (Secondary Infertile with an older child, an athiest, science fiction geekoid). A frankly, now that I know about your blog, I will be visiting your end of the blog-o-sphere too!

Wishing 4 One said...

Me too i am here from LFCA and your Kirtsyd post girl! A very good one.

Yeah for you!

You are totally right, that while you don't judge the others they do indeed, for sure judge you. But you know what who cares!

I love your honesty and I do not have to agree with everything that peole do, but i can relate to their IF and human struggles because they are like me in that regard.

Anyway, I'm outta here and have added you to my blogroll. Oh and if you read God Willing on my blog, which I use often, still stick around k, cause its all good.

Wishing 4 One said...

Oh i so forgot to congratulate you on the birth of your son in March! That is beyond amazing!!! A late congrats and I plan to go back and read some of your fun since then. peace.

Lucy said...

I'm straight, but when I come across a particularly religious blog, with the identity proclaimed front and center, I often take a step back. I don't really want to read about God or faith, and so I'll give the blogger a chance to see if I relate, but often, I don't.

Lynn said...

Hi! I just found your post through Blogger Bingo. While it doesn't meet the criteria for today's Bingo square, I just had to post!

I am a Christian, heterosexual IF blogger. However, I see no problem whatsoever with lesbian mothers! I know some fantastic moms who are lesbians and I've known some really crappy moms who were heterosexual. I think if you want to be a mother, your sexual orientation should not limit that. If you can be a wonderful parent to a child, who you choose to share your life with (provided they also want to be a wonderful parent - this goes for hetero or homosexual couples) has no bearin on your parental abilities or the capacity with which you love.

My sister-in-law (husband's sister) and her partner are the epitome of a loving, homosexual couple who I think would one day make excellent parents if they chose to. They are one of the most beautiful couples I've ever known and I'm proud to be related to them.

As for the Christian part of my self-identity, that is what I chose. I don't force my beliefs on others. I feel if you live a life full of love and care for others, you're on a better path than many Christians who choose to spew hate in the name of God. I feel the Good Lord made all of us and He loves each of us the way we are (and I don't ask that you believe that, its simply the way I feel).

So, for the record, please feel welcome on my blog anytime you desire to come by for a visit! You'll never be made to feel any less than you are: a beautiful light in the land of IF.