Two months ago, my life changed forever. It seems impossible that it's already been two whole months since he arrived.
My life today bears no resemblance to my life of a few months ago. Most notably:
- My days are spent nursing, changing diapers, walk-bouncing around my house... and very little else. Some days include nothing else.
- I consider any day that I take a shower an exceptional victory. I hit that about 50% of the time.
- I haven't picked up a book that didn't tell me how to do something since the day he was born. Our multiple magazine subscriptions go pretty much from the mailbox to the recycling bin.
- Planning out errand running is now based on how many times I'll have to take the carseat and stroller in and out of the car, and how conveniently located the elevators are since escalators are out of the question these days.
- I can recite the daytime tv line-up for you. A few months ago, the daytime tv shows I could name could be counted on one hand.
- I spend hours doused in baby spit-up because, really, it's a waste of resources to change clothes before at least th third strike.
- For our recent 10-day trip, I spent approximately nine hours packing for him and nine minutes packing for myself.
- I started this post yesterday morning... :-)
In exchange for all of the sacrifices, I get to spend my days with an incredible little person that lights up when he sees me and learns something new every day. Being his mom is by far the hardest thing I've ever done, but at the end of the day, I can't help but feel lucky that this amazing little spirit has been entrusted to us. He and I have this little "peek-a-boo" game we play during the day where I hold him and we face a mirror, then turn away, then rinse and repeat indefinitely. At one point I was looking in the mirror and it hit me that I was holding a baby. That in itself was strange enough, and then it hit me that it was my baby. This is it - him and us - from here on out. He is ours. Over all of the months and years we tried to get pregnant, the picture of Here got fuzzier and fuzzier in my mind. Now, not only can I picture it, I'm living it. That is entirely too much to wrap my head around most days.
To Elliot, thank you for coming into my life and making it richer and more meaningful than I ever imagined it could be. I am so glad that we didn't give up during the agonizing wait for you. You are worth every BFN and I am humbled that someone as amazing as you was our missing puzzle piece.
And now I must feed you. :-)