tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-335973539292414851.post8781966645306791066..comments2023-05-03T04:12:14.004-05:00Comments on Romancing the Stork: same soup, different bowlKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10660985580732553593noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-335973539292414851.post-69861124320053280952009-06-15T09:48:19.094-05:002009-06-15T09:48:19.094-05:00Your feelings and pain make so much sense. I still...Your feelings and pain make so much sense. I still resent taking 10 weeks of Bradley classes with a focus on non-intervention, only to watch my wife suffer a 48-hour labor, narcotics, pictocin, epidural, and vaccuum delivery. It sucks. But it does help to write it out and really feel the emotions again, to get them out. We cried many times while writing our story.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-335973539292414851.post-41057575164528264792009-06-14T18:57:14.980-05:002009-06-14T18:57:14.980-05:00I am so sorry your birth is so difficult for you t...I am so sorry your birth is so difficult for you to write about and talk about. I worry I am going to feel this way too - esp once the wonder of our boy rubs off a bit. I wish we lived in the same city - I would love to sit and talk out all these feeling with you. xoxo L.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-335973539292414851.post-85308565204211046722009-06-14T08:52:35.388-05:002009-06-14T08:52:35.388-05:00K, thank you for writing this amazingly honest pos...K, thank you for writing this amazingly honest post. I think it's especially helpful for readers that have not gotten to the birth part of their journeys yet. There are so many things that cannot be controlled and so many outcomes that are unfair, if not completely traumatic, as yours was. <br /><br />Another option, in addition to Tireegal's suggestions of therapy, is ICAN (or another birth trauma support group), both online and in person (if you have a group in your area). Sharing of/by/with others that have gone through similar birth experiences in an environment of love and support is, for many people, very beneficial. ((hugs))Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-335973539292414851.post-15612182341265102042009-06-12T21:16:28.657-05:002009-06-12T21:16:28.657-05:00Dear K,
thank you so much for sharing your painfu...Dear K,<br />thank you so much for sharing your painful feelings and letting us be the witnesses to all that you are going through. <br />It is not fair, I agree, and I know all of us wish you had got that beautiful birth that you prepared so diligently for.<br />I hope it's okay if I share a couple of thoughts with you that came to me while I was reading.<br />I was thinking that in order to deal with this and move forward through and past this daily and misery you are going through, it might perhaps be helpful if you have the energy ( I know you probably are exhausted with working and taking care of Elliot) to really grab it by the horns and work with it. I mean see a therapist ( if you have one that you trust - I would not do this with a new therapist unless you really know she is good) and really explore this - the birth, both the one you wanted and the one you had. It sounds like you are already doing that, I know, but just wanted to emphasize it's importance. My experience with difficult feelings ( and of course it's just mine) is that they continue to be very painful and enduring unless we pay attention to them. The attention paying is very painful but it is part of integrating the painful and horrible experience into our understanding of how we are going to make sense of something that does not make sense. I think writing about it and exploring it and getting your medical records and being outraged about it is all part of that. When me and my partner went through a horrible experience of medical abuse and neglect with one of her family members she and I were only able to integrate it because we paid attention to it, were angry, outraged, upset, cried, wrote about it, talked about it in therapy. etc etc. People did not want to know about it or hear us talk about it because they thought we were "too angry" or "too emotional". If we had had a blog then I think that would have helped a lot. I can't begin to imagine what it is like to experience what you went through, but I do know that when I came up against the fact that bad things really can and do happen to very very good people and there is sometimes no justice in the world, it was a very painful and difficult place to be and to find any kind of acceptance of what happened took time. I hesitated to write more than a message of support because I know that advice giving is fraught with difficulty and I don't want to make you feel any worse than you already do. But I say this all with love and respect for your process and for your own wisdom about how best to wrestle with these demons.<br />I know that it is your process and you have probably already thought of all these things, but I just wanted you to know what I was thinking of you and that I wish you healing from these very hard times.<br />sending you wishes for hope and healing,<br />fondly,<br />TG:)tireegal68https://www.blogger.com/profile/13943003575298698264noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-335973539292414851.post-78912558492071460072009-06-12T15:05:47.465-05:002009-06-12T15:05:47.465-05:00Big hugs and so much love. I hate that it's no...Big hugs and so much love. I hate that it's not fair.Lizziehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18142542414035866385noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-335973539292414851.post-56969115789935601842009-06-12T13:11:39.556-05:002009-06-12T13:11:39.556-05:00K--thanks for writing what you did. FWIW, I reall...K--thanks for writing what you did. FWIW, I really think traumatic births should be honored for the scarring experiences that they are (both physically and emotionally) and I know our society tends to dismiss them with a swift: "The baby is healthy and that's all that matters." <br />I hope you will share the birth story here one day. Not because it's what mom's do on their blogs, document their birth stories, but so that you can process it with us and we can bear witness to your suffering and the loss of your hopes and dreams for that experience. I think maybe it could even be healing. <br />I also think, the infertility metaphor is a particularly apt one. I have caught myself many times recently assuming that I'll get my "dream birth" or a "complication-free pregnancy" because I am OWED it after all the shit I have to go through to get there in the first place. And even though we all know the world doesn't work that way, parts of us will never stop wishing it did. <br />Hugs to you.tbeanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06845011825238450567noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-335973539292414851.post-69503928062243042732009-06-12T12:29:53.322-05:002009-06-12T12:29:53.322-05:00thank you for sharing these emotions with us, this...thank you for sharing these emotions with us, this was such a moving post. im so sorry you didn't get the birth you planned and you are left dealing with its aftermath.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-335973539292414851.post-32081836742691651602009-06-12T11:20:16.550-05:002009-06-12T11:20:16.550-05:00I wish so much that the birth would have been more...I wish so much that the birth would have been more of what you had hoped for. Hopefully time will slowly ease the emotions tied to the experience. I think it's good that you're taking your time to share the birth story. When the time is right, you will know. And we will all be here to support you.Lauriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12963208052643730490noreply@blogger.com